The Patron Saint Of Liars And Fakes
by Can't.Be.Saved
Summary: Sequel to "Round In Circles, Let's Start Over".
1. Chapter 1

**Sequel time?**

**Sequel time.**

**The Patron Saint Of Liars And Fakes**

**I'm excited for this : )**

**Disclaimer for the whole story: I still don't own any band or brand or some of the chapter titles in this.**

**Chapter 1: We Never Planned On This Disaster**

**Spencer's POV**

**December 11, 2009**

Like I said, I was waiting in the freezing cold outside for Jack, sitting on the steps of the house we now shared in Baltimore. I called and asked if I could stay there until I found my own place, but somehow we decided I would live with him.

It's been almost a week and, I'll be honest, I'm still heartbroken. Do I miss Alex? Of course. I don't want to go back to him. At least not now.

Pulling my hoodie sleeves down to cover my fingers, I sighed. It's snowing and Jack called saying he was supposed to be here in ten minutes, but that was fifteen minutes ago.

I wrap my arms around myself and see Jack's car pull up. _'Bout time_, I thought. He stops the car and gets out. I walk over to him. "Spencer!" he says and wraps me in a hug.

"Ah, you're warm," I said and laughed, keeping my arms between my chest and his.

"Yeah, and you're cold," he laughs. I guess this would be how I'd be spending my life for a while.

Do I still love Alex?

Oh, hell yes.

**December 29. 2009**

"I'm on my way back, I promise."

"You better. We miss you!"

"Rian, chill out. I'm getting in the car as we speak."

"Fucking haul ass."

I laughed. "It's icing and it was snowing earlier. Do you want me to get in a car crash?"

"Never! Just come back. Call me when you get to Baltimore."

"Of course." I hung up and started the car. I had spent Christmas with my parents. They moved to New York City two years ago and I drove out there.

**Five Hours Later**

"Hey, Rian. I'm almost there," I said into my phone, five hours of driving down Snow covered highways later.

"Yay! You're going to Jack's house first though, right?" he replied.

"Yeah, to get your present."

"Aw, I feel special."

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes, but laughed.

"No. I'm gonna blow up your phone while your driving by spamming it with messages and missed calls. Yup, it'll happen." He pauses and yells something at the TV.

"Football?" I ask.

"Duh! Wait- you're not driving right now, are you?"

"No. I had to stop and get gas."

"Oh. Okay." He yells something at the TV again.

"Spencer, I love you!" I hear Jack yell. I laugh and put my forehead in my free hand.

"Hey, Spence, Jack says he loves you," Rian said.

"I heard."

"He wants to talk to you. I'm putting you on speaker."

"No. Rian-" But I was too late.

"Hey, Spencer, can you bring me some Twizzlers?" Jack asked.

"Um, I'm almost out of money," I said, honestly.

"That's not good. Not good at all."

"Yeah, I know."

"Are you guys talking to Spencer?" I heard Alex say, then I think my heart stopped for a second, followed by it beating faster.

"Yeah. She call-" The rest was muffled so I assume they took me off speaker.

Mini panic attacks are not my friend.

Ugh, why did he have to cheat on me?

I heard a muffled, "HEY!" and a "No, Alex. Just- don't," then a, "Just let me talk to her."

No. Please don't let him talk to me.

"Spencer?" Alex said. I hung up on him. I wasn't ready to talk to him just yet.

I got into my car, started it, and pulled out onto the road. I was driving for forty-five minutes, and was almost to Baltimore, when the car on the other side of the road swerved onto my side. And that's when the truck hit me.

**Jack's POV**

"That was a bad call!" Rian yells at the TV. I shake my head.

"The game's rigged," I said, simply.

Alex walks back into the living room and hands Rian his phone before collapsing on the couch next to him. "She won't even talk to me."

"Dude, what'd you expect?" Zack says, speaking up for the first time.

"I don't know," Alex replies, clearly frustrated, then puts his face in his hands. "I. Fucked. Up."

"You are my best friend, so I am required to tell you everything." I clapped him on the back. "She still loves you, bro."

He looks up at me. "Really?" I nod. Alex sighs a little in relief.

"But she wants absolutely nothing to do with you right now," Rian says. "Give her time." Alex sighs again and we just kinda watched the game for awhile.

About an hour later, when I was in Alex and Rian's kitchen, my phone started ringing from an unknown number. "Hello?" I answered.

"Jack?" I didn't recognize the voice.

"Uh, yeah?"

"This is Carrie, Spencer's mom?"

I'm taken aback at first, but reply, "Oh, hey. Is everything okay?"

I heard her sniff and then her voice cracks. "Spencer's in the hospital." My eyes widened. "She got in a car accident on the way home. We're on our way there, but-" I heard nothing after that.

Spencer is in the hospital?

WTF?

"We'll get there as soon as we can," Her mom said.

"I'm on my way to the hospital," I said and hung up, grabbing the bottle of beer I opened and walking into the living room, my eyes still wide.

"Where's mine?" Alex asked. I shook my head and said the only thing I could think of to reply.

"Spencer's in the hospital."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Sooner Than Later, I'll Need A Saviour**

**Jack's POV**

I don't want to wait anymore. Spencer's parents are here talking to the doctor, Alex is pacing, Rian is sitting to my left, Zack is sitting to my right,-both look worried-and I'm sitting here with my face in my hands. It's been almost nine hours since we got here. By the feeling I have in my gut, things are bad.

"Jack," I looked up to see Rian and Zack standing in front of me, "me and Zack are gonna go get something to eat. Want anything?" I shook my head and they shared looks before going over to Alex to, what I'm guessing, is ask him the same thing. But this was when Spencer's parents came back.

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, well, almost yelled. I got up and walked over to them.

Spencer's mom was crying so her step-dad choked out, "Her left arm is broken, her right ankle is sprained, and she's covered in cuts and bruises." He shook his head and tears welled up in his eyes. "It doesn't even look like her, there's so many. She's passed out and they aren't sure when she'll wake up."

"Can we see her?" I asked.

He nodded. "Doctor says two at a time."

We all shared looks. "Alex and Jack can go first," Rian said and Zack nodded. I looked at Alex, but we both started walking to the room.

"You go first," Alex said once we got there. "I don't know if I can do this."

I walked into her room, hesitantly, and honestly, I felt like a total idiot wanting to talk to her. I sat down in the chair by her bed and grabbed her hand despite how cold it was.

"Spencer, you have to wake up," I said to her. I didn't expect anything to happen, but it still hurt knowing nothing did. I stayed in there for a while, letting some tears come out, but after about ten minutes I walked outside to get Alex. "Just go."

**Alex's POV**

I walked into her room and my heart broke. I feel like this is somehow my fault because of what happened with Kayla.

She was laying in the bed, of course, unconscious, cuts all over her face and bruises up and down her arms. The left one was in a sling and her ankle was wrapped in a brace.

I sighed and sat in the chair next to her. "Spencer," I whispered. I started crying so I folded my arms and laid my head on them, sobbing quietly. I felt someone clap me on the back, so I looked up to see Rian. "It's my fault," I whispered to him.

He looked at me, eyes wide. "How?"

"Karma." I shrugged. "I cheated on her and this is what I get. And it affected her."

Rian shook his head. "No. You didn't know this would happen."

"So?" I said.

He shook his head. "If you need me, I'm out in the hall." And with that, he walked out in the hall, shutting the door.

"Spencer, please, _please_, wake up!" I said, grabbing her hand. "Look, I'll tell you-" I shook my head. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I can't even tell you how sorry I am. I was stupid and an idiot. But Kayla doesn't mean anything to me. I know that doesn't explain why I cheated, but I didn't mean it." I paused and wiped my eyes. "I love you, and only you. More than anything on this fucking planet." The more I said these words, the more I wished she was awake. "Just please wake up!"

I swallowed back more tears when I got nothing. I kissed her forehead before walking out of the room. Then Zack walked in.

**December 31, 2009**

**Spencer's POV**

My eyes fluttered open, but all I did was close them again at the light. I blinked a few times, my eyes finally adjusting. I looked around and saw a sleeping Alex in the chair next to me. Then looked at the chair by the window to see Jack texting and biting his thumb nail.

"Hey," I said, my voice hoarse.

Jack's eyes snapped up at me. "Oh my God." He got up and walked over to me. "Spencer, you're up." He hugged me and I did my best to hug him back. Jack pulled back slightly and kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, basically everywhere on my face except for my lips. I giggled and turned my head away.

"Hi to you, too," I said. Jack chuckled. "But um, what happened? Why am I here?"

Jack looked at me confused. "You don't remember?" I shook my head. "You got in a car accident. Hit head on by a truck on your way to Alex and Rian's house."

I was completely taken aback. "I don't remember that at all."

"Wow." Jack looked over at Alex. "He'll want to talk to you now that you're awake." He walked around the bed and shook Alex's shoulder before I could say anything. Alex looked dead tired.

"What, dude?" Alex shot up. "Is she okay?" Jack pointed to me. I smiled and waved slightly.

**Alex's POV**

I walked over to Spencer and Jack walked out of the room, shutting the door. "Hey," she said. I couldn't help it. I kissed her and to my surprise she kissed back.

I pulled back, but kept our foreheads together. "I am so sorry."

She looked at me confused. "For what?"

"For what happened with Kayla." No way she forgot that fast.

"Who's Kayla?"

"She's-" Then it occurred to me. I stood up and sighed.

Spencer looked out the window and raised an eyebrow. "'Kay, Alex, I know this is Baltimore, but," she turned back to me, "it snowed in October?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What day do you think it is?"

"Um, the last day I remember is October fifth. Why?"

My eyes widened. She doesn't remember the Glamour Kills Tour at all. I could start all over.

"Alex, what's going on? What day is it?"

"December thirty-first," I said, still completely shocked. Her eyes widened.

"What?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: You Don't Wanna Know**

**Alex's POV**

"What...how did...huh?" Spencer said. She looked absolutely confused. "Alex, what is going on?"

"You don't remember anything past October fifth?" I asked.

"No." She shook her head. "I just remember helping Matt before the tour at Jack's house and then falling asleep on his couch. But I don't remember waking up." I'm still totally shocked. She's not mad at me. "Alex," I snapped out of my thoughts and gave her my full attention, "who's Kayla?"

The doctor walked back in with Spencer's parents so I excused myself and went to find Jack. But he was just in the waiting room. "Dude," I sat next to him, "she doesn't remember the Glamour Kills Tour."

"What?" Zack said from the other side of Jack.

"Yeah. Like, at all."

"None of it?" Jack said.

"Nope. Not even a few days before the tour."

"Holy crap," Rian said. "What if she never does?"

And this was when Spencer's mom came back. "She's asking for you," she said to me. I wonder if Spencer told her what happened.

I followed her back to the room, where I was, once again, left alone with Spencer. "Hey," I said, walking over to her. I guessed she could get out of her bed because she was sitting with her legs crossed.

Spencer smiled. "Hey." I sat on the bed next to her. "So, want to tell me what I missed?" she asked with a slight laugh.

I decided to start from the beginning. "Well, we filmed the DVD, you introduced Zack to a fan and they are dating now," then I decided to get into the bad times, "you and Jack got in a fight one day, you met Jack's girlfriend-"

"Jack has a girlfriend?" Her eyes widened.

"Uh...had a girlfriend. Kayla."

"Oh, that's who Kayla was? Okay." She made a go on motion with her hands.

"I, um," I paused. This was harder than it seems. "I gave you a promise ring. Then," here's where it going to get interesting. I cleared my throat, "we went out one night and got, like, totally shitfaced and I hooked up with Kayla," her eyes widened, "and you hooked up with Jack."

Spencer's jaw dropped and her eyes widened even more. "Holy shit."

"That was about halfway through the tour, but, I mean, we fixed everything." For a while, anyways.

"O...Kay? Go on."

"And that's about it," I said. Not yet. Not while she's here. "Aside from the usual stuff."

She nodded. "Cool. Um," she scratched her head, "is it good that I remember some of that?"

"Yeah. I would say so," I said and smiled, but was nervous on the inside.

Spencer scooted closer to me. Hard task, but she pulled it off, wincing as she did. She kissed me quickly, then put her free arm around my neck to hug me. "I love you, Alex."

Honestly, I fought tears as I put my arms around her waist and laid my head on her shoulder. "I love you, too."

**Spencer's POV**

When Alex was telling me about the tour, I couldn't help but think he was leaving something out. But I didn't want to push it and I was probably delusional anyways because I couldn't remember anything. Besides, he wouldn't lie to me, right?

Right?

So when he was telling me what happened, stuff started to come back to me. Actually, everything he told me came back to me. But I still felt like there was something he wasn't telling me.

The doctor came back, once again, so I explained what happened when Alex told me what I missed. "You just have to keep jogging your memory somehow," the doctor explained. "Anything, really, can help."

"What if she never remembers some things, though?" Alex asked.

The doctor gave a sort of smirk mixed with a half smile. "Then she never remembers it. But, by the looks of things, I'd say if you get the right thing, then something will click and you'll remember it. But I'm also not guaranteeing that you will get your full memory back."

I was kind of sad, but I understood that that's how it was going to be. The doctor continued, "You can go home tomorrow. We'd like to keep you another day just to be sure everything is okay." I nodded my reply and he walked out of the room.

I looked at Alex. "So, now I just have to try to jog my memory."

"Well, maybe if I kissed you it would help," he said with a smirk. I giggled, but it was cut off by Alex pressing his lips to mine. He pulled me close, carefully, but never breaking away. When the door opened, though, we did break apart.

Jack walked in and smiled, waving slightly. "I'll be back," Alex said, then walked out. So Jack sat next to me, where Alex was.

"Can I just say that I am glad that you are okay?"

I giggled. "That rhymed. And I am, too."

He smiles and wraps an arm around my shoulders and I laid my head on his shoulder. "Spencer, I know you're having trouble remembering stuff, so can I try something?"

"Jack, I don't know."

"Please?"

"I guess so..."

Jack put his finger under my chin and tilted my head up, kissing me softly. Kissing back, two things filled my mind. One: Jack kissed me the night we fought and two: I left the tour early because of...a reason I can't remember. But I remembered I love Jack, also.

I pulled back and met his gaze. "Jack," I shifted so my legs were hanging over the edge of the bed, "why did I leave the tour early?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Sugar, We're Goin' Down**

**Spencer's POV**

"You remember leaving the tour early?" Jack said. I nodded. "Spencer, that's great! That means your memory is coming back!"

"Yeah, but why did I leave the tour early?" I asked again, kind of pissed of that he was avoiding the question. His face fell and he sighed. "Jack, you can tell me. It might help."

"What I'm about to tell you is going to make or break everything you have with Alex. And I'm only telling you this because you asked, okay?" he said after a few moments.

All I did was nod.

"Do you remember Kayla?" I nodded again. "She, uh-" he ran a hand through his hair. "She and Alex sort of were sneaking around for two weeks..."

The next thing I knew I was crying my eyes out in Jack's chest. I remembered everything. How hurt I was when I saw Alex kissing Kayla, the fighting we did, leaving everyone, and finally coming home, and Christmas, and everything in between.

Jack was rubbing my back up and down, soothingly and he kissed the top of my head. I pulled back from him slightly and wiped my eyes, then looked up at him and he kissed my cheek. "Don't let him come back here," I said.

"I won't. Promise." Jack pulls me back to him and all I did was cry harder.

Fuck. Him.

There was a knock on the door and then I heard someone walk in. "Wh-" they started, but Jack cut him off.

"Dude, just go," he said.

I looked up and wiped my eyes again. Alex looked at me with worry, but like he knew why I was crying. "Get away from me," I mumbled, wiping my eyes again.

"Spencer..."

"What? Did you think I wouldn't remember? Were you even gonna tell me at all?" I said, my voice rising. Jack got off of the bed and walked out, shutting the door behind him.

"Spencer, I didn't want to tell you while you were here, in this state," he said, trying to take my hands in his, but I pushed them away.

"So you thought you'd just keep it a secret?"

"That's not what I said at all!"

"But you didn't tell me, Alex! I realize I couldn't remember it, but that's something I deserve to know!"

"I'm sorry! Just- can I explain?"

"Explain what? There's nothing to explain."

"Yes, there is, Spencer! I love you!"

I shake my head and I don't look into his eyes because I know I'll break. "I can't do this now. Just go."

"I don't want to," he says, more calmly and goes to sit next to me, but my next words stop him.

"I want you to and since I can't leave, you have to."

"Spencer-"

"What, Alex?" I shout as I look up at him, new tears rimming my eyes. "Am I nothing to you? Did you even love me at all?"

"Of course, I did! I still do!" He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "More than anything in the world," he says quietly.

"Me, too," I whispered and blink, forcing some tears to fall. Alex lifts my chin up to face him with his hand and wipes away the tears with his thumb, but I turn away. "Please, just leave."

He sighs lightly and I hear some footsteps, followed by the door slamming shut, which I jumped at.

_**The Next Day**_

Jack was walking me to his car, his arm around my shoulders and my around his waist for balance, since he was taking me home from the hospital. He was telling me about a new years party that happened yesterday, but I kinda just tuned it out. He opened the passenger door and let me get in before closing it and hurrying around to the driver's side.

Jack looks over at me and sighs, then takes my hand and laces our fingers together. "Spence..."

"I hate him," I said simply.

"No, you don't," he replies as he puts the car in gear and pulls out of the parking space.

"Right now, I do."

"Don't tell me you are thinking about not giving him another chance."

"You know, Jack, right now my feelings are confusing and I don't even want to see him." I rested my head against the window. "Being with you isn't making it any easier," I whispered.

"What?" He glances over at me, but quickly turns back to the road.

"Jack, there's something you should know," I said.

"Well, can you tell me now? What is it?"

I sighed quietly and he squeezed my hand. "Wait until we get to your house."

"You mean our house?"

He and I both smile slightly. "I guess so."

Ten minutes later, Jack pulled into the driveway and was helping me into the house. He led me over to the couch, where I sat down, then disappeared for a second into the kitchen, but comes back with a beer in his hand. "So what's up?"

I looked over at him. "This might change everything."

He studied my eyes a second, but said, "Do you not want to tell me, then?"

I shook my head. "No, I do. I just wanted to tell you that first."

"Okay... So then what is it?"

I bit my lip, but turned to face him. "Jack, I'm in love with you, too."

Jack looked like a deer caught in headlights. He blinked at me, but I looked at the floor. He said, "Wow."

"Yeah."

"Does Alex know?"

I shook my head. "No."

"Do you want him to?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"So what does this mean for us?" I shrugged again. "You love Alex more?" I don't think it was supposed to come out like a statement, but it did.

I nodded and blinked back tears. "Yeah."

Jack shrugged. "I knew that."

"You're not mad?" I looked up at him.

He shook his head. "Not really. No."

"Oh," was the only thing I could think of to say.

"Yeah."

There was a knock on the door, so Jack got up to answer it. I couldn't see who it was, nor could I hear the conversation until I heard, "Just let me talk to her."

"Alex, I don't think she wants to," I heard Jack say and that causes a lump to form in my throat. I got up and started to limp my way to the door, using whatever I could on the way for support.

"Do you know that for sure?" Alex says.

Jack sighed and looked at me since now I was right behind him. "Spencer-"

"What are you doing here?" I cut off Jack and looked strait at Alex.

"I want to explain myself," he says simply, stepping into Jack's house.

"Alex, there is absolutely nothing to explain," I said as Jack shuts the door and walks away. I hear another door shut and I lean on the table next to me for support as Alex speaks.

"Could you please just here me out!" he says. His tone makes me jump because he's clearly annoyed and he raised his voice.

I nodded and tried to swallow the lump that formed in my throat, but it didn't work.

"I'm sorry. So freaking sorry. Kayla means absolutely nothing to me at all. I know that doesn't explain why I cheated, but I'm still sorry. I love you and only you. Yes, I loved you. Yes, I still do. You mean the world to me." He whispers the last part and looks down.

I take in what he says, but I'm just not ready for this yet. "Alex, I can't do this. Not yet, anyways. I'm sorry." I looked down to hide the fact that tears were falling from my face.

Alex takes this in. I glance back up to see him nod before he walks out the door.

_**Late That Night**_

It's about ten at night and I'm going over to Alex's. Rian came and got me and I just decided I can't do this without him. I need Alex in my life.

"You sure you want to do this?" Rian snaps me out of my thoughts and I look at him.

"Yes," I answer honestly.

Rian pulls into the driveway and helps me inside. I don't have crutches and even if I did, I couldn't use them because of my broken arm.

"I got it," I said once Rian closed the door and I let go of his arm.

"You sure?" he asks.

I nod. "Yeah. Thanks, though." I smile at him.

He smiles back. "I'll be in the living room." Rian walks into the living room and I limp over to Alex's room, thinking about how it used to be mine, too.

I knock on the door, but no one answers and I heard what sounded like a moan. So I twist the doorknob to discover it unlocked and crack the door quietly. Upon doing so, I see Alex on his bed half naked with some girl I don't even know with his hands and mouth all over her and she was giggling.

I didn't mean to, but I gasped and they heard and broke apart.

"Spencer," Alex says, clearly shocked.

Tears form in my eyes and, in the calmest, but coldest voice I have ever used, I said, "I never want to see you again."

I slammed his bedroom door so hard the doorknob broke off. I tossed it to the side and fell to my knees crying. It didn't take long for the yelling to start between Alex and his 'buddy', we'll call it.

Rian came in and ran over to me. "Spencer, what happened?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me.

"He was- girl- kiss-" I tried to choke out between sobs.

"Hey, shh. It's fine. Don't say anything. Let's get you back to Jack's." He pulls me up and helps me to his car.

So much for love.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Face Down**

**Spencer's POV**

**January 3, 2010**

"Spencer, don't go!" Jack whined and fell back onto my bed.

"Jack, I have to," I said, folding a shirt and placing it in my bag.

"No, you don't. Just stay here with me."

"I have to get away from him for a while," I said, honestly. I was basically moving to New York with my parents, staying with them until I got a place.

"That doesn't mean you have to move there, permanently." Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me down on the bed next to him, except I was sitting.

"Who said I was moving there permanently? I'm just getting enough stuff to last me for a while," I said as I laid next to him.

He wrapped his arms around me and laid his head on my shoulder. "I'll miss you."

"I'm only going to New York, Jack."

"I don't care," he said and hugged me tighter.

"Jack, let me finish."

"At least let me help you. I can't stand watching you limp from the closet to the bed and then fold a shirt with one hand."

I laughed. "Okay."

**XXXX**

I hugged Zack as he said, "We'll miss you, Spence."

"I'll miss you, too," I said and pulled back. Then looked at Rian. "Thank you for Friday," I told him, referring to New Years Day.

"No problem." He pulls me into a hug. "I'll miss you more than Zack does."

"Hey!" I pulled back from Rian and looked at Zack, who was looking at Rian. "That's not cool, Rian."

"No arguing," I said, wrapping Zack in a hug. I let him go and wrapped Rian in another hug.

I turned around and looked at Jack, who was staring at me sadly. He held open his arms that I walked into. "I love you," he whispered in my ear.

"I love you, too," I whispered back. We pulled apart, but not before he kissed my temple.

"We're gonna come visit you," Rian said.

"You better," I said with a smile.

"You better come visit us, too!" Zack said and we laughed.

"I will, promise." I smiled and heard a honk, signaling my mom was here. "I'll call you when I get there," I said as I opened the door. They helped me carry out my bags and hugged me once more before I got in the car. My mom drove off and I kept looking back until I couldn't see them anymore.

**One Year Later**

**January 7, 2011**

I was folding some clothes and putting them away when I heard my phone ring. I've lived in a small suburb of New York for a year and have a boyfriend that I've been with for three months, but I wish it was shorter. To say I was happy was an overstatement.

"Hello?" I sigh into my phone.

"Spencer? It's Jack." I smile when I hear his voice come over the phone, feeling a little relieved.

"What's up, Jay?" I sit down on the blue comforter that covers my bed.

He chuckles at his nickname. "Not much, Spence. What about you?"

"Same old stuff, I guess. How are things in Maryland?"

I hear him sigh slightly and I know something is wrong. "Not so good."

"What is it?"

"Alex, Spencer, you need to call him."

I shake my head. "I can't, Jack."

"He needs to talk to you. She can't help him like you can."

Biting my lip, a ball forms in my throat. _Not while I'm on the phone with him_, I think. I shut my eyes and take a couple of moments. "What's wrong with him?"

"You know how he gets when it's close to when his brother died."

"But Ash has been handling that for the last year."

"It's also close to when you left."

"So?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Dammit, Spencer! You know damn well he still loves you and you still love him! He lost two people he loves the most and around the same time is not good. He needs to hear from you."

I run my fingers through my hair as I hear the front door open, then slam shut. "Jack, I've gotta go."

"SPENCER! DINNER!" I hear my boyfriend call to me, causing me to wince and fall silent.

"Call him, Spencer. Please."

"I'll try." I shoot a glance over my shoulder where I see my boyfriend standing.

"Let's go." He starts walking towards me.

"Please, Spence. For me." Jack pleads.

"I'll-hey!" I shout at my boyfriend, Drew, as he pulls the phone from my hand and shuts it, hanging up on Jack. I stand up.

"Make me dinner, bitch!" His hand collides with my cheek, pushing my face to the right.

I squeak before biting my lip. "I'm working on it, Drew."

And I thought things were complicated before moving out here?

I must be some kind of idiot.

"No, you are in here talking on that fucking phone." He throws my cell phone at the wall to my left, the farthest one from us, and I wince. "Who was it?" He gets closer to me, making us nose to nose.

I push back the tears that formed in my eyes by blinking and square my shoulders. "A friend from home." I walk around him and out of the room, into the kitchen.

What the hell am I doing?

**Late That Night, Early Next Morning**

I pulled on my hoodie and carefully opened the front door. I was still only in my pajama pants and tank top and, hell, I was wearing light blue fuzzy slippers, but I was going out to call Alex. Lightly shutting the door, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and basically ran down the steps, down the street, and over to, oddly enough, the McDonalds at the corner.

Well, I never thought I would have to sneak out of my house to get away from my boyfriend when I was twenty-two.

I walked into the McDonalds and sat down at one of the booths they have, noticing how deserted it was. I guess it would be for one in the morning. It didn't take long to go through my contacts to find him, considering he was the fifth from the top.

I pressed, 'call', placed the phone to my ear and waited, really impatiently and nerves going through me. "Hello?"

"Alex?" I said.

There was a pause and when he finally answered he sounded surprised. "Spencer."

"Hey." I felt myself smile.

"Wow. How've you been?"

"I guess okay," I lied. I was far from okay. "What about you?"

"Pretty good. But, you know...stuff."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see it. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," he sighs. "I'm just glad you called."

"I'm glad you answered."

There was a long pause, but Alex finally spoke up. "Spence, it's not the same without you here."

"It's not the same not being around you guys. I miss it." I paused when I felt tears in my eyes. "I miss you," I confessed.

"I miss you, too," he whispered. "You should come down for a visit," he said, returning to his normal voice.

"I can try, but I don't know if I can..."

"Why not?"

"Because if I go I'll only get-" I cut myself off and sighed. "It's complicated."

"I'm sure I can understand it," he chuckled.

"I don't want to say it over the phone. And now is also not the best time. I'm sitting in a McDonalds and it's one in the morning." He laughs and that makes me laugh a little, too, but I stop and wince at the pain in my cheek.

Damn, I miss him.

"Okay. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be here, okay?" he asked.

"Okay. Same goes for you."

"Okay. thanks for calling."

"Thanks for answering."

"Bye, Spencer." I heard the line go dead, so I flipped my phone closed. I laid my arm on the table, then laid my head on top of it.

I've got to get out of this. The question is: How?


	6. Chapter 6

**So this was originally two chapters, but I combined them and now it has two titles ; )**

**Chapter 6: Love The Way You Lie/Bullet**

**Spencer's POV**

I left the McDonalds shortly after and took my time getting home, just in case Drew was awake. I ended up walking as quietly as I could through the door, sliding off my hoodie once I got inside. I hung my hoodie on the coat rack and turned my cell phone off and quietly walked back to my room. I crawled into bed, as far away from him as possible and hugged the sheets towards me, silently crying myself to sleep like I've been doing for the past month and a half.

I wish I was with Alex.

_**The Next Day**_

"Take off your make-up and put down the camera. Choke on the drama that makes me want to-" I sang softly at the dining room table, one ear bud out and writing something down for work.

Oh, yeah. I work at a law firm now.

Gag me with a dick.

I hate it.

"Spencer, shut up. I hate that band," Drew says from the living room, turning up the TV on the football game.

I winced slightly and said, "Sorry, hun." But he doesn't reply.

He makes me hate football.

The thing is, Drew knows nothing of my past life. He didn't even bother to ask. So, no. He doesn't know I dated Alex. He doesn't even know we know each other.

"Come here," he says, sincerely.

"Okay." I finish writing the word I was on and got up, walking over to him by the couch. He's laying down, but pulls me down by my waist so I'm sitting next to him and kisses me. I don't kiss back, but he doesn't even notice.

The doorbell rings and Drew looks at me. "Wanna get that?" I nod, because if I say no, it won't end well for me.

So I get up and walk to the door at the other end of the house. Once I open it, my heart stops because I see Jack on the other side. But I compose myself quickly and whisper, "You have to go, Jack."

"I'm not leaving without you," he says, quietly.

Jack knows about Drew, but he also knew I was terrified for my life and he understood that I didn't want to leave him for it. But I'm running out of reasons not to.

I want to cry and hug Jack as hard as I could because I haven't seen him in two months, but I don't. "I can't," I whispered, tears rimming my eyes.

"Spencer, who's at the door?" Drew calls from the living room.

"Um, Girl Scouts!" I call back, knowing he'd know it would take a while to get rid of them. I turn back to Jack. "You need to go," I whisper, sternly. "If he finds out your here, it'll be my ass, not your's."

"Promise me one thing," Jack whispers.

"Of course, anything." Jack opens his mouth to say something, but it's cut off by Drew shouting my name. "I'll be there in a moment," I call back to him. I look at Jack.

"Meet me at the Wal-Mart down the street tonight, okay?" he asks.

I nod. "What time?"

He shrugs. "Text me when you can come and I'll be there. Promise?"

I nod again. "Promise."

**XXXX**

"Jack," I said, trying to get his attention. He was leaning up against his car in the Wal-Mart parking lot at three in the morning. When he heard me, he turned around and I ran into his open arms, crying into his chest. "I missed you. So, so much."

"I missed you, too," he says, burying his nose in my hair, but he pulls back almost immediately, but keeps his arms around me, which makes me look up at him confused.

"What?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowed together.

"What happened to your strawberry scented hair that smelled amazing? You smell like..." He leans down and sniffs my hair again. "Lemons? You hate lemons."

Tears sting my eyes again as I reply, but I don't look at him. "Drew hates strawberries."

"Spencer..." Jack pulls me back to his chest and buries his nose in my hair again, even though I know he doesn't like it. "You have to get out of this."

"I know," I sobbed, "but I don't know how."

"Hey, calm down." He rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. "I can help as much as you need it."

"I don't have many things," I said, honestly. "Clothes and, like, essential stuff. The rest is his."

"Okay..." he said, but I could hear some excitement in his voice.

I pulled away from him completely and looked him dead in the eye. "I've been thinking about this. I'll be gone by the end of the month."

Jack eyed me a second before saying, "What do you mean?"

"I'll be back in Baltimore by the end of the month," I said, more slowly.

He looked down at me and tried not to smile. "You sure?"

I nod and smile. "Yes. I don't know how, but I'm going to be."

Jack grins and picks me up, spinning me around. "Spencer!"

I laugh, despite how much I don't like to be picked him. "Put me down, Jay!"

He sets me down under one of the many lights in the parking lot and smiles, but stops and strokes my cheek with his finger. "What happened?" he asked, eyes filled with concern.

I forgot about my cheek and my face fell. I shrug. "He slapped me yesterday when I got off the phone with you."

Jack gasped. "Was it because...?"

I shake my head. "Not because of you, promise."

"Okay," he sighs in relief, then leans down and kisses the same cheek soft enough not to hurt me. "I'm so sorry," he whispers as he wraps me in another hug.

"Jack, it's fine," I said, wrapping my arms around him and nestling my head in his chest.

"No, it's not," he says, pulling back slightly and tilting my chin up with his thumb and index finger. "I love you and I don't want to see you like this. Ever."

"Jack, I'll be okay." I lean up and peck his lips. "Promise."

"You're not gonna, like, get punched for that or anything, are you?"

I shook my head. "He won't know."

"In that case..." Jack leans down and presses his lips to mine. Kissing back, I feel safer and I know everything will be okay. He speeds it up and makes the kiss rough and passionate, which is fine with me, but I pull away because I think of Alex.

"I have to go back," I said.

He nods. "Call me, okay?"

"I will." He kisses my forehead and I let go off him, him not letting go of my hand until I was out of reach. I was almost to the end of the street when I looked back to see Jack still watching me. He kicks the ground and turns back to his car. I feel tears well up in my eyes, but I wipe them away and walk home, alone, in New York City, at three in the morning.

Wow, I'm stupid.

The sad part is, this is probably safer than my home situation.

About forty-five minutes later I open the door to the bedroom to see Drew awake and sitting on the bed. I gasped and say, "You scared me."

"Where were you?" he says, calmly, but sternly, and that scares me the most.

"I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water," I quickly lied. He mutters something, but I can't hear it so I say, "What?"

"Bullshit!" he yells, standing up, fists clench at his sides. I jumped and took a step back. "Where the fuck were you?" He backs me against the wall and he gets in my face. "Where were you?" he says, slowly, but calmly again.

"I-I-I w-was-" I stuttered and he cut me off as the back of his hand collides with my face, pushing my head to the side.

"Don't lie to me," Drew says. He puts his hands on my shoulders and pulls me away from the wall just to shove me back into it. "Don't lie to me," he repeats as his fist slams into my left eye with a right hook. This is minor compared to what he's done before.

Tears well up in my eyes, and I wince again and he holds up his fist like he's going to hit me, but he stops and his expression relaxes. "Spencer," he whispers. I drop to the floor, tears pouring from my eyes. "Spencer," he kneels down next to me, "I'm sorry. Please don't be mad. I didn't mean it. Let me help you."

"It's fine, Drew," I said, touching my eye lightly. "I can do it. Go back to sleep." I smile at him, despite how much I wanted to rip his lungs out.

"I'm sorry, so sorry," he says and kisses me.

"It's fine. Nothing a little make-up can't hide." I smile again and force a light chuckle. "Go back to sleep."

"Okay." Drew gets up and walks over to the bed we share and lays down, pulling the covers over him. "I love you," he calls to me as I walk into the bathroom.

"I love you, too," I lie completely as I call back, shutting the door and pulling my phone out of my pocket.

I typed 'J' into my contacts and sent a text to Jack, finally making up my mind for sure. It said, _"I'll be gone Wednesday. Pick me up from the airport in Baltimore?"_ I chose Wednesday because that's the day Drew always works late. So he says, at least. I think he's out fucking some other chick, but whatever.

I got back, _"XD," _which for Jack meant anything from he was happy to a 'Hell yes!' so I knew I was good.

I went over to the mirror, pulling out my concealer from the door. My black eye was so bad it was purple and my eye was bloodshot. I knew I'd still have it when Jack came and got me. My nose was slightly swollen and a little purple and I had a dark red mark on the same cheek he hit yesterday. I smiled to myself, ignoring the pain in my face.

_**The Following Tuesday**_

_**January 11, 2011**_

I'm supposed to be at the grocery store, but I'm on top of the twenty story office building I work at. I'm sitting on the edge, my legs dangling off, looking over the skyline. I have a bottle of gin in my hand and I'm hearing sirens off in the distance. I was persistent. I'm going in to quit my job as soon as I polish of this bottle.

Why am I drinking? I was beat up again. Now, I have two black eyes, a deeper red mark on my cheek, my leg has a bruise the size of my face, and my stomach has finger prints on it from when he was squeezing my waist. The pain was too much for me to handle, so I went to alcohol.

I can't tell you what it really is, because I can only tell you what it feels like. Right now I feel like I have a knife in my windpipe from him choking me this morning. I touched the bruises I knew were on my neck under the turtle neck I was wearing and had a flashback of his hands at my throat, him screaming "I hate you!" at me and my hands on his wrists trying to pry his off of me.

But now my head is spinning and the alcohol is pushing me off. I pressed the bottle to my lips again and took a big gulp. I looked down and, honestly, asphalt has never looked so soft to me before in my life. I bet my mom would be calling the cops right now if I didn't tell her I was leaving tomorrow.

When I told her everything she looked at me like she didn't know what happened to the kid she raised. I couldn't help, but think, what would've happened if my real dad stuck around. Would I even be in this mess? My mom feels guilt and pain, but I told her not to. I told her I'd be okay and everything would work out it the end. It has to.

Remember when you were little and you never thought you'd die? But as you got older, you found out you could, but you were too scared to try or didn't want to. I climbed to this roof to see if I could fly, but I won't try because I'll be out of this tomorrow.

This has gone on too long and I'll tell you how it ends. The girl gets away and goes home to her friends. At this point, I don't care if I ever get Alex back. I just want to get out of here. I just have to take this opportunity before I miss it.

I finished the last of my bottle and stood up, looking down. I narrowed my eyes and dropped the bottle to the ground, watching it shatter in the alleyway next to the dumpster. Then my phone buzzed.

I sent Jack a text about an hour ago. His reply was, _"You'll survive. I love you. I promise I'll be there."_

I'll reply later, I thought as I stuffed my phone back in my pocket. I turned around and started walking to the door that led to the stairs that would take me back down the floor I worked on, thinking the same thing I sent Jack in the first text.

If I survive tonight, then I'll see you tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Homecoming**

**Spencer's POV**

_**Around Ten That Night**_

"Who the fuck is Jack?" Drew shouts, swinging the bedroom door open so hard the doorknob broke a hole in the wall.

I jump, then look at him. "W-what?"

"Who. The fuck. Is. Jack?" he asks, more slowly, then throws my cell phone at me, hitting my arm.

"A friend from home, why?" I say, my voice small.

"Why the hell is he saying he loves you?" His voice is rising as he walks over to stand in front of me. I'm sitting on the bed.

"Because he's my friend. He cares about me," I defended, standing up in front of him.

Drew is taken aback at first. This is really the first time I've stood up for myself to him. Drew shakes his head and says, "Wrong answer."

"How the fuck is there even a right answer to that?" I yelled at him.

He grabs my shoulders tightly and I know I've crossed the line with him. I'm shoved down and to the side, landing on the floor and almost hitting my head on the wall.

I'm so fucking tired of this.

I stand up because, honestly, compared to other stuff he's done to me, that really didn't hurt. I get in his face the best I can since he's six foot three and more muscular than Zack. "That's the best you got?" I spit at him.

At this point, I've pretty much signed up for my own death.

I'm not going down without a fight.

I keep my gaze with his, but I see his fists clench at his sides. His hands go on my shoulders and I'm shoved against the wall, hard. I yelp as I feel pain in my back and put my hands on his wrists.

Drew throws me to the ground and kicks my side, making me yelp again. He tries to kick me again, but I move out of the way quickly and stand. He stares at me like I'm crazy and like he doesn't understand what's going on.

"Come on! You've done way worse than that!" I yelled. He's taken aback and I take that opportunity to swing at his eye, hitting him.

Yup. Now I've definitely signed up for my own death.

Drew clutches his eye after I hit him and I take this chance to try to make a run for it. He catches my arm just before I walk out of the room. His grip is tight and he throws me down on the ground again, kicking me in the side once...twice...three times.

He pulls me up and shoves me into the wall. I wince and my legs buckle under me. As I start to fall his hands go to my throat, keeping me up. I scratch and claw at his wrists and hands, trying to get them away from my neck. I gasped for air that won't come as Drew shouts, "You don't fucking hit me!"

My lungs are aching for air as he finally let's go. I gasp, taking in a deep breath and cough. I fall to my knees and I'm kicked in the side once again.

Drew grabs my forearm tightly and pulls me up, letting his fist connect with my nose once I'm standing. "What now, bitch?" he yells, punching my stomach.

I cry out in pain, but that only makes him punch my stomach again. He back hands my tear drenched face and I wince. His left hand goes to my neck again, not choking me, but slamming me into the wall. My head hits the wall and I instantly feel a headache start to form. "Drew, please-" I start, but it's cut off by being back handed again.

His fist connects with my chin and I nearly bite my tongue. He slams me into the wall again before throwing me down on the floor once more. I close my eyes brace myself for another kick, but I feel his breath on my face.

I open my eyes to see him kneeled down next to me. "Never hit me again," he says sternly and stands up walking out the bedroom door. I curl up on the floor and just cry because of all the pain I'm in.

This is one of the worse fights.

_**The Next Morning**_

I have so many bruises, I can't even cover them with make-up. Almost all of my stomach is purple, my nose is swollen and has a black tint to it, my other cheek has a huge red mark on it that I couldn't cover up with make-up, my chin has a black bruise, the bruises on my neck are worse, my back has a few bruises on it, and I can barely talk.

I have a turtle neck on, my nose and cheek is the only part of my face not covered with make-up, and I feel like I got hit by a bus. But I'm on a plane that will really only take an hour to get me home.

If it wasn't for Jack coming to my house last week, I wouldn't even be here.

He saved my life.

I leaned back in my seat, wincing slightly and thanking God that no one had a seat next to me. Just as I started to fall asleep, (I didn't get any last night. Too much pain) we land and I then find myself with two bags full of my stuff in my hands and walking out of the airport to Jack's car.

I see him leaning against his car, but he's facing away from me. So I walk over to stand in front of him, but don't say anything because my voice is too scratchy.

Since he was looking down, he slowly looks up at me, eyes trailing from my feet to my face. He smiles at me and says, "Hey, Spencer."

Tears well up in my eyes and all I do is drop my bags at my feet and wrap my arms around him and cry into his chest. Jack's arms wrap around me and he just lets me cry for a few minutes. I pull away first and wipe the rest of the make-up away, knowing I cried some of it off. I look up at Jack.

He gasps and take my face in his hands. "Two black eyes and...is your nose broken?"

I shake my head. "This isn't all of it," I said and frowned at how scratchy my voice was, but was surprised that it kind of sounded like I was sick and was losing my voice.

Ha. It's far from that simple.

"Well, what else is there?" Jack asked, dropping his hands. I pulled down the collar of my turtle neck to reveal the black and purple fingerprint bruises. Jack's jaw drops and he touches them lightly.

"That's not all," I whispered. His eyes widened slightly and I slid off my jacket, tossing it on one of my bags, then pull up my shirt to show him my stomach. "I also have one on my chin, one on my leg, and some on my back."

I shivered as Jack's fingers touch my stomach. He pulls back slightly for a second, but starts to trace some again. "I can't believe he did this to you."

I shrug and pull my shirt down as Jack shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. I pick up my jacket and said, "He's done worse."

"How can it get worse than that?"

"Broken bones," I said, bluntly as I slid my jacket back on.

"Spencer..." He hugs me and I can tell he's trying to be gentle. I let more tears fall out of my eyes as I hug him back. I start sobbing and he rubs my back. "It's okay. He can't hurt you anymore."

I nod. "I know. I'm just glad to be home," I said, then step back from him. "Does anyone else know I'm here?"

He shakes his head. "You never said you wanted someone else to know, so I didn't tell anyone."

I nod. "Thank you."

Jack nods and then hesitates before asking, "When did he do this to you?" He lifts his hand so his thumb is tracing the bottom of my eye a little.

"My left eye and some bruises on my back was after I met with you, my right eye, some of the bruises on my neck, the one on my leg, and the bruises on my waist was yesterday morning. And my stomach, my nose, my chin, and the rest of my neck and back was last night," I explained.

"You didn't fight when you tried to leave?"

"He was at work."

"Does he know you're gone?"

I checked my watch. "He will when he reads the note in about an hour."

Jack nods and he wraps his arms around me protectively. "Welcome home, Spence," he says softly.

I wrap my arms around him again and say, "You have no idea how it feels to hear that."

"So you're not going back?" he asks, pulling back to look at me, but he keeps his arms around my waist.

I shake my head. "Not to him, no."

Jack sighs and smiles wide at me. "Thank you."

I cock my head to the side, but smile. "For what?"

He shakes his head and pulls open the door to the back seat. "Never mind," he says as he picks up both my bags and puts them in the car. I shrug and stop Jack, kissing his cheek, then climb into the passenger seat of the car.

Yeah. Much better.

**XXXX**

"Jack, are you sure this is a good idea?" I look over at him with nerves in my stomach and worried eyes.

"If you want them to know, then yes," he says, grabbing my hand and leading me up the sidewalk to Alex and Rian's house. "It'll be fine."

"Is Zack here?" I asked.

He nods. "For about another week. Then, he's going home."

I've covered my chin with make-up and tried to cover my eyes, but one was harder to cover up and you can see it easily. The make-up will probably come off with tears and I'll wipe it off to show them. It's the same day, only four hours later.

I see the dogs run up to the door and start barking, getting Alex's attention, as we walk up the steps. I hold onto Jack's hand like my life depended on it out of nerves. Alex slowly stands up and walks to the door, the beer he was holding in his hand drops to the floor and he stops on the other side of the door.

I wave slightly, and smile a little at him. _He looks gorgeous_, I thought. He was dressed in loose jeans and a flannel red and black plaid shirt.

"Alex, open the door!" Jack yelled, but I see he's smiling. I giggled and with that Alex opens the door and steps over the threshold, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I wince, but relax and wrap my arms around him.

"You're here," he says into my hair, but pulls back slightly to meet my eyes. "Why?" Thankfully, it was dark so it hid my bruise you could see. Alex looks at Jack, who just shrugs and walks into the house. "Come in and we can talk."

Alex starts to pick up pieces of the bottle that he dropped as Rian walks in. "What happened?" he asks, looking over at Jack. I walk in and his jaw drops. "Oh, my God! Spencer." He walks towards me, and then furrows his eyebrows together. "What happened to you?" He caresses his thumb under my eye, just once.

I look down and Alex lifts my chin up with his hand as he stands up. He gasped. "Who did this to you?"

Shaking my head, I slide my jacket off as gently as I could. I sigh and look at both Rian and Alex. "The truth or a lie?"

They both hesitate, but Rian says, "What's the lie?"

"I fell and hit my face on my front steps slipping on ice."

Alex cocks his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. "No, really, what happened?"

I pause and look between Alex and Rian. "It's a long story and I would much rather tell you with everyone here."

"Oh...Kay," Rian starts, "but I want a hug first." Rian and I both smile and he wraps his arms around me. I wince slightly, but relax as I hug him back.

"Ah, man. I missed you guys," I said as Rian pulls back. "Where's Zack?"

"Bathroom," Rian says.

I nodded and hopped onto the counter behind me, causing Alex to jerk his head towards a hallway. "What is it?"

I hear a groan, then his girlfriend, Ashley, steps around the corner. "I knew it was you."

Ashley's a little shorter than me, skinny as fuck, but has the right curves. She's got brown hair, brown eyes, and an eyebrow piercing.

She doesn't like me because I dated Alex, and I don't like her because of all the crap she gives me.

Simple.

I roll my eyes, but hide it with a blink. "I'm not allowed to see my friends?"

"Not in my house. She crosses her arms.

Alex holds up his hand, pointing at the ceiling. "Correction, it's _my_ house. And Spencer can come over when ever she wants." He glares at her.

She sighs and rolls her eyes, snatching up a black jacket from a chair to my right. "I'll be back when she's gone."

Alex sighs and leans against the counter, letting his head hang. I slide off the counter and go to put my jacket back on, but someone grabs my arm. I wince out of habit and tense up a little, but relax when I turn to see Alex looking at me with pleading eyes.

I jump as I hear the door slam, and then the dogs start barking. I hear footsteps and Zack walks down the hallway, glancing at us, but does a double take when he sees me. "Spencer!"

He walks over to me and I smile and wrap my arms around him. "Hey, Zack."

His arms go around me, and he steps back after a second. His eyes widened a little as he sees my face. "What happened?"

I take a deep a breath and look over at Jack. "Let's go into your living room so she can explain," he says, walking over to me and taking my hand.

I nod and look at Alex, holding my hand out to him. He half smiles, takes my hand and we all walk into the living room. Alex, Jack, and I sat on the floor in front of the couch, while Zack and Rian sat in front of us.

I dropped Alex and Jack hands and wiped the make-up on my face off with the sleeves to my shirt. I look up, kind of surprised tears weren't burning in my eyes.

"Whoa."

"What the-"

"Who the fuck did this to you?" Alex held my chin up with his index finger and traced the bruise on my chin.

"Want me to tell you, or show you the rest of the bruises first?" I asked, turning away from Alex, but I looked down at the floor.

"There's more?" Rian said.

I nod and Jack says, "A lot more."

I start to pull off my turtle neck, but they all turn away saying, "Whoa!"

"Guys, I'm trying to show you bruises," I said, laughing a little.

They turn back and I pull my turtle neck off, but I still have a tank top on. I pull up the tank top to show the purple and blue marks on my stomach.

"Fuck," Rian says.

"Holy shit," Alex mumbles and lightly touches my stomach, but flinched back and looks up at me.

"It's fine. That didn't hurt," I said. Alex starts tracing the bruises again and I added, "I have some on my back and one on my leg, and-" I pull my shirt back down and move my hair out of the way to show the bruises on my neck.

They all gasped and Rian said, "Spencer, what the fuck happened to you?"

So I went into the stories about the last three fights I was in, but only got through the first and halfway through the second one before Alex wrapped his hand around my arm and laid his head on my shoulder. "I don't want to hear anymore," he says, his eyes closed tightly.

"There is more you need to know, though, Alex," Jack says and grabs my hand, lacing our fingers.

"He beat the shit out of her for talking to you. That's all I need to know," Alex looks up at Jack a little and his voice is raising.

"Just shut up and listen to her," Zack said.

_Drew's hands went to my throat and he screamed, "I hate you!" I clawed and pulled at his wrists, just trying to get his hands away so I could breathe. I was starting to black out when he finally let go. My legs gave out and I dropped to the floor, gasping for air._

_Oddly enough, Drew waited until I was breathing normal again before pulling me back up, slamming me into the dresser behind me, and punching my eye. I don't know exactly what happened, but he threw me down and somehow my leg hit the bed hard._

_He dropped to his knees next to me and said softly, "Spencer! Oh my, God! Are you okay?" I winced and sat up, rubbing my leg. I blinked and winced again at the pain in my eye._

"The stupid part is, I don't even know what the hell we were fighting about in the first place," I said.

Alex wrapped his arms around my arm and was still laying his head on my shoulder. Zack and Rian looked at me with sad eyes, and Jack was laying down with his head in my lap. I was running my fingers through his hair.

I kept telling stories about the last fight and then what happened when Jack picked me up earlier that day. "It was like I felt a weight lift off your shoulders," Jack said, smiling up at me.

I giggle and rest my head on top of Alex's. "You don't know what it felt like to come home after all of that."

"Well, can I just say," Zack starts, "if this asshole comes here, I'm kicking his ass."

We all laughed and I said, "Thanks, Zack."

"Does he know you're here?" Rian said.

I shook my head. "I left him a note saying I was leaving and that I wasn't coming back." He nodded.

It was quiet for a minute, but Jack said, "You're blonde hair is growing back."

Alex lifts his head, causing me to move mine. "Don't dye it brown again," he says, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I wince, but relax and say, "I wasn't planning on it," and he smiles.

I had got up to go to the bathroom, but when I came out, everyone was in the kitchen, fucking around. Jack and Alex looked like they were about to make out by the sink and Zack and Rian were play fighting.

I walk over to a cabinet and grab a cup, then turn to look at Alex and Jack. "Want some alone time, you two?" Jack stuck his tongue out at me and Alex laughed and shook his head. I stood in between them to fill my glass up full of water from the sink, but stop when I feel a finger caressing my cheek.

"I can't believe he did this to you," Alex says. I shrug and take a drink of water.

"Guys, let's go play Call Of Duty, or something," Rian starts walking back to his room.

"HALO!" Jack yells and runs after Rian, Zack following behind, laughing.

Alex and I chuckle as their voices disappear down the hallway and then cut off once the door is shut. That leaves us in a silence I would love to fill, but I don't know what to say. Alex cups my cheek in his hand, his thumb tracing over the bruises on chin and eye.

"I missed you," he confessed.

"I missed you, too," I admit and lean into his palm.

He wraps his arms around my waist and I can tell he's trying to be gentle. I wrap my arms around his neck to hug him back, but he pulls back slightly, keeping his arms around me. "Please don't ever do that again. Leave me, I mean."

I shake my head, looking up into his eyes that have so much emotion in them, I can't tell what he's feeling. "I won't."

He gives a small smile and starts to lean in, but it's cut off by a door opening and closing, followed by dogs barking.

Alex sighs and lets me go as Ashley walks into the kitchen, setting her keys down on the counter. She grabs an apple out of the bowl on the counter and looks up. Her eyes widen for a second once she sees me. "What happened to you?" she asked, seeming only half interested as she bit into her apple.

"One long ass story," I said, walking out of the kitchen and into Rian's room.

So close.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Been To Hell**

**Spencer's POV**

I was in the kitchen looking for something to eat, but I couldn't find anything I wanted. So I was walking back to Rian's room, but stopped at Alex's and stood in the doorway, leaning against the door frame and shoving my hands in my pockets.

He was laying on his bed, propped up against the headboard, the pencil in his hand scrawling on the notebook in his lap. He had one ear bud in, the music playing loudly. He pauses his writing so I said, "What are you doing?"

Alex glances up, but looks back down and smirks. "Trying to write this song." I nod and he adds, "Come here."

I walk over and sit next to him on his bed. He puts his left arm around my shoulders, so I put mine around his waist and laid my head against his shoulder. Alex started writing again and I was trying to read it, but he caught me.

Alex flips the notebook closed, but smiles at me. "No reading."

"Aww." I pouted at him.

He looks away. "Don't give me that look."

"Sorry," I said, but giggled. "Where'd Ash go?"

He shrugs. "Her friend's, I guess. I don't know. She didn't tell me." I nod and it's silent for at least ten minutes as he starts doodling on the front of his notebook. Alex stops and says, "I'm sorry."

I look up at him, an eyebrow raised. "For what?"

"Everything. I should've never cheated on you." Alex shakes his head.

I shook my head, but smiled up at him. "Don't feel bad anymore."

He raises an eyebrow. "Why?"

Because having the shit beat outta me for two months made me realize how much I missed you and still love you.

I wish I had the guts to say that.

"Because I don't care anymore," I said. "It's the past and I'm over it. You should be, too."

He smiles down at me before kissing my forehead. "I'm so glad you're okay."

I nod and replied, "Honestly, I am, too," after laying my head back on his shoulder.

Is it wrong that I'm enjoying this?

Alex flips his notebook back open and lays his head on top of mine as he starts writing again.

_I love you_, I wanted to say so badly.

"Spence, can I ask you a question?" He lifts his head and looks at me.

I nod. "Yeah, anything."

"Did ever try to..." he pauses and rubs his opposite forearm, "like, rape you, or anything?"

"Thank God, no," I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

Alex chuckles softly and says, "Good."

"Yeah." I looked up at him, and he stares into my eyes. He hesitantly presses his forehead against mine and leans in, a centimeter from my lips when the front door opens and slams shut and dogs start barking.

Alex sighs and pulls back, letting his head hang. I unwrap myself from him and stand up, walking out of his room to avoid a fight. I walk into Rian's room, where Jack, Zack, and Rian are still playing video games.

I collapse on his bed on my back and put my hands over my face. "I was so close to kissing him."

The game pauses because I don't hear gun shots anymore, so I look up to see them all staring at me. "What happened?" Rian asked.

"Ashley came back," I said, bluntly.

Jack looks away and shakes his head, but looks up at Rian. "I wish he'd stop being a dumbass." Zack, being the quiet one, just nodded.

"He'll figure it out, Spencer," Rian said, patting my hand.

"Yeah, we'll see."

**XXXX**

"What the fuck is she still doing here?"

"She's my friend, Ashley! I'm not gonna tell her to go home."

"But I'm your girlfriend and I want her gone!"

This was how I woke up the next day. I guess I had fallen asleep in Rian's bed, because that's where I woke up, but no one was in here. Alex and Ashley were having a yelling contest. I rubbed my eyes, sat up, and walked out his room.

They weren't in Alex's room, nor were they in the kitchen. I looked out the back door to see Rian, Jack, and Zack were outside on the deck. I walked out, ignoring the yelling, and sat on the porch steps.

"How long have they been arguing?" I asked.

"Since ten this morning," Rian said, then looks up at the glass back door. "Alex is in the kitchen now. They must've stopped."

They all look at me and I take their expressions as I should go to talk to him. I sigh a little, get up, and walk back into the house. They follow me in, but go to different rooms.

Once I shut the door, Alex looks up at me and says, "Hey," in monotone.

"What happened?" I ask, walking over to stand on the opposite side of the island that he is on.

"Usual stuff. She doesn't like you, hates that I'm talking to you, wants you gone."

"Oh." I look down at the floor to hide my sad expression.

"So, I broke up with her."

Say, what?

I looked up at him, question in my eyes. "Why?"

"Because," he walks around the island and stands in front of me, "You're one of my best friends and I don't want to make you leave just because my girlfriend hates you. I'm tired of her always talking shit on you."

I stare up at him because I don't know what to say, so I smile and he smiles at me before winding his arms around my waist. I wrap my arms around his neck to hug him back and he lays his head on my shoulder, and I lay mine on his.

Alex whispers something so quietly it's inaudible, but I thought I heard the word love. He kisses my cheek and pulls back, but keeps his arms around me. "God, I missed you." He smiles wide at me.

I giggled and leaned up to kiss his nose. "I missed you, too."

He crinkled his nose, but chuckles lightly. He stares into my eyes a second, just like last night, and before I knew what I was doing I pressed my lips to his. He smiles against my lips and kisses me back, our lips molding together the way I have wanted to kiss him since the day I left.

"Aw, guys! Spencer and Alex got back together!" Laughing, I pull away from Alex and turn around to see Jack run down the hall back to Rian's room.

"About damn time," I heard Zack say, followed by him walking into the kitchen with Rian close behind.

"About damn time he stopped being a dumbass," Rian says, but smiles.

Alex laughs and wraps his arms around my waist from behind. I look over my shoulder and he smiles at me, which makes me smile, and he kisses me again.

"Awww!" I flip them off and Alex moves a hand, and I know he's flipping them off, too, and they laugh.

**XXXX**

"How are you bruises?" Alex asked, walking into his room.

"Hurt like hell," I said, "but that's okay." I smiled and pulled the blankets on his bed around me, curling up against them.

"Do you need any ice or anything?" he asks, sitting next to me.

I shake my head and close my eyes as I say, "I'm fine."

I feel Alex's hand on my cheek and his thumb lightly dragging across my eye. "I'm so sorry he did this to you."

"Alex, stop apologizing for it." I move his hand so I'm holding it and open my eyes to look directly into his. "It wasn't your fault and I'm away from him now."

"I know." Alex pulls his hand from mine and cups my cheek again. "It doesn't mean I can't feel sorry for you. I hate seeing you this way." He kisses my forehead and I smile at him. "I'm just happy to have you back."

"Me, too," I agreed. "I think we needed a break."

He nods. "We were together too much."

"Together pretty much twenty-four/seven for three years."

He lays down next to me, on top of the covers. "But I couldn't stand being away from you for so long."

I look down at the blankets. "I didn't mind it at first, mainly because I hated you," I confessed. "But after about a month I just wanted to see all of you again."

He tilted my chin up with his hand. "Still hate me?"

I shake my head. "Never again."

Alex smiles and kisses me again. He pulls back and asks, "Are you tired?"

I nod and close my eyes. "Very."

"Wanna sleep with me?" I opened one eye. "That sounds dirty. Didn't mean it like that, promise." He holds his hands up in surrender, but smiles.

I laugh and close my eye again. "I don't care either way. I haven't exactly slept all week."

"Why?"

"Too much pain."

Alex lays down next to me and takes my face in his hands. "You'll heal, right?" I open my eyes and put my hand on one of his wrists. "Because it's killing me seeing you like this."

I smile. "I'll be fine. Give me a few weeks." I kiss him.

"Stop kissing me. All you're doing is making me want to kiss you again," he says, but kisses me again.

I giggle. "Alex, let me sleep.

"Fine." He kisses me again, but gets up and walks to the door, where he stops and turns to me.

"What?" I ask, a smile on my lips.

He shakes his head, but smiles at me. "Never mind."

"Okay." He walks out of his room and I close my eyes again, finally sleeping.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Harmony**

**Spencer's POV**

Nightmares.

Let me tell ya... not fun.

I don't remember exactly what I was dreaming about, but it was probably about getting beaten up by Drew, because I woke up screaming.

Alex, who I noticed was now laying next to me, but I hadn't yet realized it was him, said, "Spencer! Spencer, calm down."

I was slapping away his hands that were trying to grab mine and kicking at the air, yelling, "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

"Spencer!" Alex grabbed my left wrist and got a hold of my right hand.

"Let go of me! Let me go!" I tried to pull my hands away, but was still kicking. "Let go of me!"

"Spencer! Calm down! It's just me," Alex said, making it finally occur to me that it was Alex. I stopped kicking and pulled my arms away, just to wrap them around him. He wraps his around me and whispers, "It's okay," and rubs my back soothingly as I composed myself in his arms. "God, you're even scared in your sleep," he whispered, sadly.

My breathing went back to normal and I nuzzled my nose in his neck. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be. It's not your fault." He shakes his head. "Are you okay?"

I nod and pulled back to look at him and smiled slightly. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

Alex chuckles and kisses my cheek. "It's fine. You scared the hell outta me, though."

I put my face in my hands and blushed, laying back down on the bed. "I'm sorry."

He laughs and lays next to me. I peek at him through my fingers before pulling my hands away. "It's okay. Really."

I nod and ask. "What time is it?"

He looks behind him at the alarm clock on his bedside table, that, other than the small glare from the window, was the only thing lighting his room. Alex looks back at me. "About two."

I nod, smile, and curl up under the covers, closing my eyes. It takes a minute, but I hear Alex moving and then his arm lays across my waist, but he's still facing me. He kisses my forehead and I wait a second before opening my eyes again.

"Alex?"

He opens his eyes. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for not giving up on me." I smile a little.

He smiles and kisses me sweetly. "I never will." He closes his eyes, so I close mine. But after a few minutes he says, "Hey, Spencer?"

I say, "Yeah?" but don't open my eyes.

"Can I say something that I've wanted to say for a while?"

I nod. "Mmhmm."

Alex hesitates, but says, "I'm still in love with you." My eyes popped open and I couldn't find my words. As soon as I wanted to say something, I'd hesitate. "I knew I shouldn't have said it," Alex mumbled, rolling over on his back.

"No." I moved so I was sitting on my knees, cupped his face in my hands, and leaned down to kiss him deeply. He hesitates and I can tell he's shocked, but clasps a hand over the back of my neck and kisses me back. We parted and I said, "I'm still in love with you, too."

Alex grins and kisses me again, sweetly, but quickly. He pulls me down next to him, leaving his arms around me. I wince, but relax once I'm laying down. "Sorry," he says, smiling sheepishly.

I giggled. "It's okay," I said as I pulled the covers over me again and then yawned. My eyes fell closed and I was soon fast asleep in Alex's arms.

**XXXX**

"So, you don't want to move back in?"

"I just don't think it's a good idea right now, Alex. We just got back together after breaking up partly because we saw too much of each other."

"I know, but we just go you back." He sits next to me on the couch, putting the bag of ice wrapped in a towel in his hands on my eye. I finally gave in to that.

I take it from his hand, to hold it up myself. "I know. I'll just be at Jack's." I smile at him.

He wraps his arms around me and lays his head on my shoulder. "I don't like you there." I see his eyes close and I giggled.

"Why not?" I ask, switching to my left eye. It hurt worse.

"You're not here," he says, but it's kind of a wine. Alex sighs and continues, "but I understand why."

I remove the bag from my face and lay my head on top of Alex's. "Eventually, I'll move back in."

"Eventually needs to come fast." I laughed again and moved so I was sitting in his lap, curling up against him with my head on his shoulder. He kisses me, leaving his forehead against mine once he pulled back. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." I pressed my lips to his softly.

Feeling him smile against my lips, he kisses back, but it doesn't get much farther than that because Rian says, "Whoa! Okay, I'm covering my eyes." He must've just walked in here.

Giggling, I pull away from Alex and look over at Rian to see him covering his eyes with his hand. "It was just a kiss, Rian," Alex says, chuckling a little.

"Okay." Rian moves his hand from his face and sits next to Alex. I slide of Alex's lap so my back is against the arm of the couch, but keep my legs laying across his lap, and put the bag of ice back on my eye. "So, Spencer, since you just got back in town, we're taking you out tonight."

"But I have bruises all over my face," I said, frowning a little. Those are fading, though. My nose doesn't even look swollen anymore, even though it still is a little, and the one on my chin is barely noticeable.

"We're not taking you out clubbing, or anything like that. We figured...honestly, we figured it would hurt you too much," Alex says, finishing with a half smile.

"Yeah, because we can barely hug you without it hurting," Rian adds.

"It doesn't hurt as bad as it did," I said.

"Yeah, that's why you're holding a bag of ice over your eye," Alex says, sarcasm dripping from his words.

I shrug. "He's done worse."

Alex pouts at me and taps my nose. "No thinking about him."

I crinkled my nose for a second before saying, very bluntly, "It's a little hard to not think about somebody who just beat the shit outta you three days ago."

"Stop it," Rian said. "It's against the rules."

I laughed and said, "Sorry." I pause and move the bag of ice from my face. "So, then, what are we doing tonight?"

"What do you wanna do?" Alex asks.

"Preferably something that doesn't involve alcohol."

"Awww..."

"Leave her alone. She just got beat up three days ago. I wouldn't wanna drink either," Rian defended me.

"Thank you," I said to him.

"Yeah, you're welcome." He smiled at me, before getting up and walking through the kitchen and down a hallway, calling out, "I'm gonna take a shower."

Alex waits until Rian shuts the bathroom door before leaning over and resting his head on my shoulder, pulling his legs up on the couch. He wraps his arms around me and says, "I missed you so much."

I lay my head on top of his and say, "I missed you, too."

"Hey." He pokes my stomach lightly.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Smiling, I kiss his cheek and say, "I love you more."

"No, I love you more." He relaxes against me and closes his eyes.

"Nah, you're lying."

"Hmm-mm." He shakes his head a little. "Am I the reason you're heart's beating so fast?"

"What?" This was when I noticed my heart was beating really fast.

Huh. Dated him for three years and he can still make my heart beat like I just started dating him.

...Maybe that's because I did just start dating him again.

Alex lifts his head and grins at me. "I am the reason, aren't I?"

I scoffed, trying to hide it. "Yeah, okay."

"Really? So if I do this-" He cut off and started kissing my neck. My heart was racing again. "I am the reason!" he says as he pulls back, a huge smile on his face.

"Alex-" I started, but cut off when he kissed my lips. I gave in and kissed him back, noticing my heart seemed like it was beating faster. Alex pulled back and grinned. I shake my head saying, "You're having too much fun with this."

"Mmhmm." He lays his head on my shoulder again.

**XXXX**

"It's movie time!" Jack yelled, walking into Alex and Rian's house, fist up in the air.

"Hey, Jack," I said from my spot on the couch.

"Spencer!" Jack sits next to me and put an arm around my shoulders, laying his head on my shoulder.

Alex walks into the living room and frowns, but sits next to me. He puts his arms around my waist and lays his head on my other shoulder. "My girlfriend!"

I laughed and look up as I see a flash. Rian's holding a camera in front of us and says, "That's a good picture."

"Aww," I put my face in my hands. "I'm covered in bruises!"

"Spencer, it's finnnee!" Jack whines, lifting his head, but pouts at me. He takes my face in his hands. "I wish they would go away. I hate seeing you like this."

Moving Jack's hands from my face, I shake my head. "They'll go away." I look over at Alex, who quickly closes his eyes, pretending to be asleep, snoring and all. "Oh, okay, Alex. That's cool. I'll just cuddle Jack."

"Yay!" Jack cheers as I wrap my arms around him and he places one of his on my shoulders again.

"No!" Alex says, trying to pry my arms away from around Jack's waist.

"Oh, so, you're not asleep?" I look over at him and he pouts at me as he still tries to get my arms away.

"This isn't fair," he says.

Jack chuckles and gets up, causing me to let go, but then goes and wraps his arms around Alex. Alex sticks his tongue out at me and then wraps his arms around Jack.

"Fine." I pout and cross my arms.

"Now you know how it feels," Alex said, but lets go of Jack and Jack lets go of him.

"Where are Rian and Zack?" Jack asks. Alex and I both shrug as, oddly enough, Rian and Zack walk back into the room.

"Movie time?" Rian asks.

"Movie time." Jack nods and we all left to go see a movie per my choosing.

Ah, man. It's good to be back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Reckless Abandon**

**Spencer's POV**

"Yeah, he sent her some texts. I didn't want to read them, but her phone kept going off and I couldn't get back to sleep."

Pause.

"That's what I was thinking. But I just wanted to tell you."

Pause.

"I don't know how to do that. I'm not that smart."

"Pause.

"Yeah, okay. I will. Bye."

I rolled over and got off the couch in Jack's house. He was in his room, but I could still hear the phone conversation. I then remembered I had left my phone in his room last night.

Wiping my eyes, but wincing as I remembered they were black, I walked back to Jack's room, where I found him sitting on his bed. "Hey, who was on the phone?"

Jack looked up at me and smirked. "Alex." He tossed my phone to me, which I caught. "We're getting you a new number today."

"Why? What happened?"

"Check your messages." He gets up and walks over to his closet.

I look down at my phone, scrolling through my messages to find three that I didn't want.

_Drew: Where the hell are you? I need you..._

_Drew: When I find you, so help me God, I'll..._

_Drew: I hope you're having fun. You'll be ba..._

I laid down on Jack's bed on my back. "Fuck him."

Jack half smiles and lays down next to me, wrapping his arms around my middle. "I'm so sorry."

I shake my head, wrapping my arms around him and cuddling into him.

**XXXX**

"Spennnceeeerrr."

I looked up at Alex with an eyebrow raised, fighting a laugh. He was pouting at me. "Yes?"

"I want you to come here," he whines and holds open his arms.

"Alex, I'm not even a foot away from you." I said, which was probably true. We were sitting on his couch, watching TV.

"Yeah, and that's too far." I laughed and scooted closer to him so he could put his arms around me. He kisses me. "No," he said when I pulled back, kissing me again.

"Alex," I laughed.

"I'm not done yet." He was smiling, but kissed me again.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Yes." He kisses me longer, deeper this time. "Okay. Now I'm done."

I giggled and laid my head on his shoulder. "You're so weird."

"I'm not weird, I just love you," he says and lays his head on top of mine.

"I love you, too."

"Don't ever leave me again." I feel his arms tighten a little, almost protectively.

"I won't. I'm not that much of an idiot."

"You're not an idiot at all." Alex kisses my forehead. "You're allowed to fuck up, Spencer." He shifts a little and brings his legs up on the couch, crossing them. "I know I did," he mumbled.

"How did you fuck up?" I asked, looking up at him, slightly.

"If I wouldn't have cheated on you, you wouldn't have had to go through an abusive relationship and wouldn't be covered in bruises right now. We wouldn't have broken up, I wouldn't feel like I still miss you, and I wouldn't want you to hate me. I wouldn't have dated Ashley and put up with her shit for six months, you wouldn't have gotten in that car accident, you wouldn't have moved to New York, and neither of our hearts would've been broken."

I lifted my head and looked in his eyes for a good five minutes before saying something. "Alex, I'll never hate you. No one can change what happened with Drew, or what happened with Ashley. And I still feel like I miss you, too. That car accident probably would've happened with or without you. Stop beating yourself up about the past." I took his face in my hands. "I love you more than anything. I always will." I pressed my lips to his, kissing him passionately.

We parted and Alex pulled me to his chest and nuzzled his nose in my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck to hug him back and all Alex replied, whispering, was, "I love you, too." But that was all I needed to hear.

Alex kept his arms around me, but pulled back to meet my eyes. I kept my arms around his neck. "Do you want your rings and necklace back?"

I'm taken aback. "You still have them?"

He gets up and runs down the hallway, going into his room. Two minutes later, he was running back down the hallway. Alex jumps over the back of the couch and holds the three pieces of jewelry in his palm. "Yeah, I still have them."

"And still wear the one that matches mine?" I asked, taking his hand by his wrist. Alex nods as I let go of his hand. "Shit," I said, really surprised. "I can't believe you kept them."

"I promised myself I wouldn't give up until you did. I thought you had, so I put them in the back of my closet." He shrugged. "Then, you came back and I knew you hadn't given up on me yet when you kissed me." He pauses and crosses his legs. "Want them back?"

I smiled and nodded. Alex smiles wide and grabs my hand, putting the rings on my finger, but I take the necklace and facen it on my neck myself. "Hey, the bruises on your neck are almost gone." He starts tracing the faint bruises lightly.

I nod. "My stomach looks better, too." I start to pull up my shirt, but Alex covers his eyes with his hand.

"No warning? That's cool," he says.

"It's not like you haven't seen my stomach before." I pulled his hand from his face by his wrist. He smirks and gets a look in his eyes, but I ignore it. I pulled my shirt up a little and said, "See? They're not purple anymore."

"Yeah, they're a...gross yellow," he says with a chuckle.

I looked down, crinkled my nose, and said, "True story," before pulling my shirt back down and looking back up at him. "But the only thing that really hurts now are my eyes."

Alex frowns, cups my jaw in his hand, and kisses under both of my eyes. "I don't want you to feel pain anymore."

I move his hand from my face and kiss his cheek. "I'm okay. Really."

"That doesn't mean I don't feel bad because you're in pain."

"But it doesn't hurt that much anymore."

Alex pouts and lays down, holding his arms open. I lay down next to him with him laying behind me. "God, I missed you." He picks up a few strands of my hair. "I missed your strawberry scented hair," he plays with the sleeve of my t-shirt, "your love for New Found Glory," I smirk and turn around in his arms, where he smiles at me, "your green eyes that turn blue when your sad," he kisses me, "and that."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, laying my head against his chest. He buries his head in my hair and I feel him smile against my neck.

"Hey, little ones," I heard Jack say, but neither of us made no move to get up. Jack laid down on the couch and wrapped his arms around me. But since he was laying on the edge, he fell off, taking me with him.

"Damn it, Jack." I looked down at him because I landed on top of him.

"Hey," he said with a grin. I rolled my eyes and climbed off of him, grabbing his hand and pulling him up with me. "Sorry."

I looked back at Alex, who was laughing quietly. "Are you okay?" he asked through laughter.

"Yeah," Jack and I answered together, causing us to share looks and chuckle together.

"Spencer?" I raised an eyebrow at Alex. "I wasn't done. Come here." He held open his arms.

"No. I wanna hug Jack." I wrapped my arms around Jack, who sticks his tongue out at Alex and wraps his around me.

"What? No." Alex sits up and tries to pull my arms away from Jack and Jack's arms away from me. "That's not cool."

I shrug, but unwrap myself from Jack and sit next to Alex, who puts his arms back around me. He lays his head on my shoulder. "Yup."

"'Yup' what?" I asked with a laugh.

"Shhh... Don't ruin the moment," Alex whispered. Jack scoffs, but sits next to Alex.

I shake my head, but chuckle, and start tickling him. He flinches and lets go, then pouts at me. "That's mean." Instead of replying to him, I put my arms around him and rest my head on his shoulder. "Oh, okay. That's not mean." He puts his arms around me.

"Hey, can I have the remote?" Jack asked.

"No," I said and grabbed the remote from the arm of the couch.

"What? That's not fair. You're not even watching it."

"How do you know?"

"You're too distracted by Alex."

"Am I a distraction?" Alex looked down at me.

"Sometimes," I answered, honestly.

"See?" Jack reached around Alex and took the remote from my hand. "Didn't I give you that shirt back in, like, tenth grade?"

I look down at my New Found Glory shirt, then up at Jack. "Yeah, I think it was your's, but I stole it."

"You still wear it?"

"Clearly," I laughed, then looked back down. "It's so faded." I started picking at the design a little.

"Hey, I have a question."

I looked up at Alex. "Yeah?"

"Didn't you say you had bruises on your back and legs?"

"Just one on my leg and yeah, there's some on my back." I furrowed my eyebrows together. "Why?"

"Are they going away?"

I thought a second. "You know, I honestly haven't looked at them. They don't hurt anymore." I reached down to pull my pant leg up to see if the bruise was gone, but it was only turning the same gross yellow my stomach is. I fix my pant leg and look back at Alex. "Probably."

"Mkay," he mumbles as I lay my head on his shoulder again.

**XXXX**

"No, Jack. I wanna stay the night."

"Fine. Then, I'm staying, too."

"That's cool," Alex said, laying down on the couch so his head was in my lap.

I glanced behind me at the kitchen where Jack, Rian, and Zack were, but something caught my eye, so I kept my gaze on the kitchen. "Alex..." I said, slowly, slightly terrified for what might happen to the three guys in the kitchen eating Alex's Milanos.

He looks up at me. "Yeah?"

"Spencer," Rian said, sternly.

"Spence, what's up?" Alex asked.

"They're-"

"Spencer," Jack said.

"What?" Alex sits up and looks into the kitchen, then scowls.

"They are Chips Ahoy. I swear," Rian said.

Zack holds his hands up in defense and walks over to the couch, sitting on the other side of Alex. "I had nothing to do with this."

"Rian. Jack." Alex slowly stands up.

"They are chocolate chip cookies!" Jack defended.

Alex jumps over the back of the couch and runs into the kitchen. He chases Jack all the way into Rian's room, Jack squealing the whole time. Rian, Zack, and I were laughing the whole time. Alex walks back a few minutes later, without Jack, and snatches the package of Milanos from Rian.

He punches him in the arm and says, "Don't touch my Milanos." Rian holds his hands up in surrender as Alex puts the cookies back in cabinet, not before eating one first.

Jack peeks around the corner of Rian's room and starts tip-toeing back into the kitchen. Being the klutz he is, he trips over his own foot and yells, "Ow!" loudly.

Alex turns around and runs after Jack, who squeals and runs back into Rian's room. Alex shuts the door and tries to keep it closed, but Jack's banging on the door and Rian shouts, "Dude, he's gonna break all the shit in my room!"

Alex sighs and stops to consider this, but opens the door. I can tell Alex was glaring and I heard Jack squeal one more time, then Alex start laughing as he walks into the living room. "I scared the shit out of him." He sits next to me.

Zack and me finally stopped laughing, so I said, "We can tell."

"No. He's cowering in the corner of Rian's room."

That only made Zack and I burst out laughing again. After a minute, I was still giggling, but got up and walked back to Rian's room. Sure enough, Jack was sitting in the far right corner of Rian's room, his legs pulled to his chest and his arms around them.

"Jack?" He looked up at me and I was trying not to laugh. "Alex is a jerk. Come on," I said as I walked over to him, finishing when I held my hands out to help him up.

Jack took my hands without a word and I pulled him up. I kissed his cheek, making him smile a little, but he pulls me into a hug. "I thought he was going to kill me!"

I laughed and stepped back, taking his hand. "Come on...!" I whined.

"Where are we going...!" he smiles, but whines back.

"Back to the living room," I said and dropped his hand, walking back into the living room. I sit on the couch next to Alex and Jack sits on the other side of Zack.

"You'll protect me, right?" he asked Zack.

Zack chuckled, but said, "You got yourself into this mess. I didn't eat the Milanos."

I look at Alex. "Can I have some Milanos?"

"Yes, Spencer. Yes, you can."

"Ha!" I stick my tongue out at Jack before jumping over the back of the couch and going into the kitchen. "I'm special."

**XXXX**

At about ten the next morning, I was woken up by someone jumping on the bed and Blink-182 blaring, as well as someone belting out the chorus.

"ON AND ON," jump, "RECKLESS ABANDON," jump, "SOMETHING'S WRONG," jump, "THIS IS GONNA SHOCK THEM," jump, "NOTHING TO," jump, "HOLD ON TO," jump, "WE'LL USE THIS SONG," jump, "TO LEAD YOU ON," jump, "AND BREAK THE TRUTH," jump, "WITH MORE BAD NEWS," jump, "WE LEFT A SCAR," landed on the bed next to me, "SIZE EXTRA LARGE!"

"Fuck you, Jack. Fuck you."

"Spencer, Alex, come on! You need to wake up!" Jack whined. I then felt the covers rip off of me.

"I am up," Alex mumbled.

"I'm not," I said, rolling over on my back.

"Spence! Wake up!" Jack yelled. I flinched when he sat on me, a leg on either side of my hips.

"Get off me," I said, squinting my eyes that were still closed.

"Get off my girlfriend!" Alex yelled. "Move!" I opened my eyes just as Alex pushed Jack onto the floor, making me burst out laughing, and Alex climbed on top of me the same way Jack was. He smiles wide. "Hi."

"Um...hello?" I said, still giggling s little, as 'Man Overboard' starts playing throughout the house.

"You're such a douche bag," Jack said, standing up.

"I love you, Jack," Alex said as I tried to get out from underneath him. "No." He had one hand holding me down by my shoulder, but was still looking at Jack.

"I love you, too, Alex," Jack says before sticking his cheek out. Alex chuckles and kisses Jack's cheek. "Okay! I'll be back if you're not up in few minutes." He skips (literally) out of the room, fist in the air, and shuts the door, suppressing the music a little.

Alex looks down at me. "So...why won't you let me up?" I asked as he put his other hand on my other shoulder.

"Because," is all he says, leaning down to kiss me. Our lips moved together, slowly and softly, for a few minutes and my arms wrapped around his neck. "Mmhmm, that's all," he says when he pulls back.

I giggled and pulled my arms away. "Let me up."

"No. Maybe I'm not done."

"You just said you were, and I have to pee."

"You're gonna ruin girls for me, you know that?"

"That's okay. You have Jack." He laughs and I move out from underneath him. As I walk to the bathroom across the hall, 'Carousel' starts playing.

Upon walking out of the bathroom, I see Rian made pancakes. "Pancakes!" Alex says from the hallway behind me and runs into the kitchen, almost slipping because of his socks.

I chuckled and followed after him asking, "What is this? Blink-182 day?"

"Don't complain about Blink, Spence," Rian says, handing me a plate.

"Thanks and I wasn't."

"Yeah, they're back," Zack says.

"What!" I had not known this. "I don't believe you." I sat on a bar stool next to him.

"Yeah. Blink-182 is back," Jack says.

"Jeez, it's been, like, six years."

Alex threw in, "I think maybe longer. Not sure, though. All I know is we got to tour with them and that's enough for me."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you toured with Blink-182?" I asked.

"Yup," Alex, Jack, Rian, and Zack all answered together.

"Fuck, the shit I missed." I crossed my arms and leaned back in the chair.

"We haven't toured with New Found Glory, though," Rian said.

"You better not have," I murmured, making them all laugh.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: It's Not Over**

**Spencer's POV**

_**That Night**_

I was staying the night...again. And when I walked into Alex's room, I saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, probably tweeting or on Facebook.

Once he set his phone down, I smirked to myself and climbed onto him so I was sitting on him, straddling his lap with my arms around his neck. "Hi." I smiled.

"Hey." Alex puts his hands on my waist. "What are you doing?"

I shrugged. "Getting comfortable."

"Ah." He smiles, then takes my chin with his thumb and index finger. "Your eyes look better."

"Mmhmm." I nod. "So does every other bruise." Alex moves his hand back to my waist, but starts to pull up my shirt. "What are you doing?" I asked, kind of alarmed.

"I wanna see!" he says, but smiles.

I laughed and stopped his hands. "I can do this myself. All you had to do was ask." But I did pull up my shirt to show my bruises that were barely noticeable.

Alex poked my stomach and then looked up at me. "You didn't wince." He smiles and wraps his arms around me, kissing me gently, but pulls back so I can put my shirt down.

I put my arms around his neck as his hands went to my waist again and smiled. "It doesn't hurt anymore." Alex smiles and kisses me again.

Alex pulls back first and says, "God, I missed you," winding his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. He rests his head against my shoulder.

I lay my head on his shoulder and say, "I missed you, too."

"This is such a corny moment," Alex says.

I laughed, but said, "Yup."

I pulled back slightly, but we kept our arms around each other. Alex got a look in his eyes and looked me up and down so quickly, that if I wasn't pay attention or had blinked I would've missed it.

"What's that look in your eyes?" I asked.

Alex shakes his head, looks down, but moves me off his lap. "Nothing."

I think about pressing on, but I shook it off. Alex lays down, so I lay down next to him. I'm laying on my side, but he's on his back. He smiles at me, so I smile at him, but say, "You worry me sometimes."

He wraps an around me and I rest my head in the crook of his neck. "If anything, I should worry about you," he says.

"I'm fine, though," I said.

"Yeah, now."

I sighed and wrap an arm around him. "I wasn't smart about it, okay?" Alex starts to protest, but I stopped him. "No. I wasn't. I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did."

"But you were scared."

"I was terrified," I admitted.

"Then, I understand why you stayed so long. No, you were smart about it since you were scared." He kisses my forehead.

I shake my head. "I don't want to think about him anymore."

Alex smirks and gets a mischievous look in his eyes. "I can fix that."

I roll my eyes, but laugh lightly, and lay down on my back next to him. "I bet you could."

"I know I could," he says with a chuckle and sits up, crossing his legs.

I shake my head, smiling, and push him lightly before rolling over of my side, not facing him. Alex lays down behind me and puts his arms around my waist. "I love you, Spencer," he whispers.

"I love you, too, Alex."

**XXXX**

Alex sits on his couch, crossing his legs, facing me, and taking both of my hands in his. He smiles. "I'm taking you out tonight."

I raise an eyebrow. "Just me and you?"

He nods. "Just me and you. Now, go get ready." He nods his head in the direction of the front door because my stuff was at Jack's.

"Wait, where are we going?"

"That, Spencer, is a surprise."

"So, you're taking me to Applebee's?"

He sighs. "You're fault. That's your favorite restaurant. No go get ready!" He slightly whines the last part, standing up and taking me with him.

"I need your car keys, then."

"Fine. I'll drive you there, wait for you to change, then we'll go."

I shrug. "Fair enough."

_**Twenty Minutes Later**_

"I'm going to change now."

"Okay." Jack and Alex say together and both smile up at me from their spot on my bed at Jack's house. I was standing by the closet.

"Jack." Alex looks at Jack.

He sighs, before getting up and walking out. "Fine."

"Alex." I cross my arms.

"I've seen you naked, Spencer," He defends.

"Yeah, a year ago."

He sighs heavily, but gets up to walk out. "Don't think it won't happen again."

"Don't get your hopes up, Alex!" I hear Jack yell.

I change into jeans and a t-shirt because we were just going to Applebee's and that's what Alex was wearing, so...yeah.

I walk out of my room to the living room. I was pulled into a hug by a pouting Jack. "Alex is a dick."

I look around Jack slightly at Alex. "What did you do?" All Alex does is grin at me so I kiss Jack's cheek. "Yes, he is."

"What!" Alex says. Jack and I chuckle together and he lets me go.

"Wanna go now?" I ask Alex. He nods enthusiastically and runs over to me, grabbing my hand and running to the door.

"Have fun, love birds!" Jack calls.

"Love you, Jack," I said.

"Love you, too!" he says just before Alex shuts the door to his house.

_**Two Hours Later**_

**Alex's POV**

At around eleven that night I was pulling Spencer into my house. "Hey," I said.

"Yeah?" She looks at me as we walking into the living room.

"I love you."

She smiled. "I love you, too."

I pressed my lips to hers, kissing her softly. But I needed more of her. Our lips were moving together and I was slowly walking her back to my room. Once we got there, my hands moved to her waist and I kicked the door closed. Our tongues met and I held her close to me.

"Spencer." I pulled back from her to look in her eyes. "You sure you're okay enough to do this?"

Spencer waits a second, but nods as she looks in my eyes before crashing her lips onto mine. I laid her down on the bed and chuckled. "I missed this part, too."

She rolls her eyes, but smiles at me and brings my lips back to hers.

**Spencer's POV**

The next day I woke up to music playing loudly, but out of ear buds. I rolled over to see Alex dressed, his legs crossed, listening to music, and writing in a notebook. I was still naked so I had the sheets pulled around me tightly.

I poked his knee to get his attention. Alex looked up, looking like he was confused or disoriented. But he smiles down at me before going back to his notebook. When he does this, I know not to distract him, so I rolled over on my back and wait until he's done, tapping my fingers to the song playing out of his ear buds.

Three songs later, he closed his notebook and turned off his music. He set his notebook, iPod, and pen down on his bedside table before laying down next to me. Alex smiles and drapes an arm over my waist. "Hi."

I smiled and rolled over on my side so I was facing him. "Hey."

"Are you okay?"

I furrow my eyebrows, but nod, and ask, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just wanted to make you sure you didn't regret last night," he says, worry in his eyes.

I shake my head. "No. Never."

"Okay. Good." He smiles and pecks my lips. "Are you hungry?"

I nod almost immediately. "Mmhmm."

Alex chuckles. "I'll make you something."

As he gets up to walk out of the room I say, "Thanks, Lex."

He turns back to smile at me. "No problem, Spence."

I got dressed and brushed my hair before walking out into the kitchen. Alex is leaning against the counter by the stove, making something that I can't tell what it is. When I stand in front of him, he takes both of my hands and pulls me to him until my lips were on his.

I hear a gasp and Jack yell, "How could you, Alex?"

"No! Jack, I love you! Forgive me?" Alex held open his arms for Jack, who walked over to us, and was trying not to laugh.

"Fine, I forgive you." Jack turns to me. "He's mine!" I held my hands up in defense and took a step back.

Jack acts like he's going to kiss Alex, which makes Alex say, "Not in front of Spencer. It's too soon."

Jack sighs. "Fine. Later." He turns around and holds open his arms. "Spencer!"

"Jack!" I wrap my arms around him.

"No!" Alex pushes Jack away from me. "I'm sorry. She's my only one." He puts his arms around my waist from behind, rests his chin on my shoulder, and closes his eyes. But after a second his eyes pop open. "Wait," he steps away from me, "that's it." Alex runs down the hall to his room.

Jack looks at me and I just shrug before he and I both walk down the hall to Alex's room. He's sitting on the bed furiously writing in his notebook, almost like he couldn't get the words out fast enough as they came to him.

Jack and I share another look and he says, "Alex?"

"Shh!" Alex shakes his head, but keeps writing.

"Come on, Jack." I tug on his sleeve and we both start walking away slowly. "He'll be done soon."

"Okay." He grabs my hand and drags me into the living room.

"Rian!"

"Spencer!" I sit next to him on the couch. "How's it going best friend?"

"What? No. I'm her best friend!" Jack says and sits in between me and Rian. He puts his arms around me and lays his head on my shoulder. "Don't replace me with Rian!"

"Aw, Jack." I lay my head on his. "I love you both."

"You better," Rian mumbled, making me laugh.

Alex walked into the living room, his notebook in his hand and a look on his face that I couldn't quite place. "It's done," he says, simply. But he grins and laughs a little. "It's done," he states, looking down at his notebook.

"What, the song?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nods, but never looks up.

I get up to stand next to him. "Can I read it?"

"No." He flips the notebook closed.

I frown. "Why not?"

"Because it's about you," Jack says, bluntly.

"Really?" I look at Alex.

"Well, um...yeah." He looks down and blushes a little.

"Let me read it," I said and reached for the notebook.

Alex moves out of the way just in time. "No." But he does smile.

"Please?" I pout.

"Don't give me that look," he says.

"Why? Because it works?"

"Yes."

I pout again. "Then, let me read it."

"No." He walks around me and down the hall, back to his room. I followed him. "At least let me write the music for it first," Alex says once he put his notebook away.

I sigh. "Deal."

He smiles and wraps me in a hug. "Oh, yeah, and one more thing."

"What?" I asked.

"I love you," he says in my hair and I could tell he was smiling.

Smiling myself, I said, "I love you, too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Spare Us The Rescue**

**Spencer's POV**

There was a knock on the door as Alex and I were sitting on the couch. He had his feet over my lap and he pouted at me. Sighing, I roll my eyes, but smile and get up to open the door.

"Cassadee?"

"Spencer?"

"Cassadee."

"Spencer."

"CASSADEE!"

"SPENCER!"

I all but tackled her in a hug, leaving the front door wide open. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

She giggles and hugs me back just as tight. "I know! I missed you! Rian said you and Alex were back together, but I, honestly, didn't believe him."

"Oh, thanks, Cassadee. No faith." I step back from Cassadee to see Alex leaning against the door frame.

"Hi, Alex," she says, waving a little.

"Hello." He steps over the threshold to hug her.

"So, I don't mean to sound like a jerk," she starts as Alex steps back from her, "but can I come in? I'm from Florida. I'm not used to this cold weather."

I giggled and Alex chuckled. "Come on!" Alex said and grabbed her wrist, pulling her inside. I followed after and shut the door. "Rian!" he called out.

I hear a faint, "What?" being called from somewhere.

Then Alex went into ghetto mode. "Get'cho fat ass ou'chere!"

Rian walks down the hallway, stopping dead in his tracks when he sees Cass. "Cassadee!" he says.

"Hi!" She waves and they hug each other.

Alex grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the living room to his room to let them have their moment. He sits on his bed and I stand in the doorway. "Will you move back in yet?" he laughs.

I chuckled and sit next to him. "Not yet."

"Pleeeeaaassse?" You're here all the time anyways!"

"Not at night."

"Every other day at night you are."

"Yeah, exactly."

He slides his arms around my waist and rests his chin on my shoulder, pouting at me. "Pleeeeeaaaaassse?"

"After your next tour. How's that?" I said after a second.

He nods, enthusiastically, then kisses me. "Spencer?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

I laughed lightly and pecked his lips. "I love you, too."

"Like I said a couple days ago, all you are doing is making me want to kiss you again," he says, kissing me again. I didn't let him pull back for a few minutes.

"All I'm doing is making myself want to kiss you again," I said, honestly, kissing him again when he smirked. He started nibbling my lip, so I let his tongue meet mine, but parted from him when I heard my name being called from the living room.

"Speeenncccceerrr!" Alex whines, then pouts, and grabs my hand when I stood up. "Don't go."

"Come with me." I grabbed his hand with both of my own and dragged him to his feet.

"Fine," he mumbles, still pouting. I peck his lips and we both walk to the living room.

"Someone call me?" I asked, now seeing Zack and Jack in here with Cassadee and Rian.

Rian pointed to Jack as Jack said, "Yeah, I did."

"So, what did you want?" I ask, letting go of Alex's hand and sitting next to Jack on the floor in front of the couch.

"To hold you." He quickly puts his arms around me, his head falling to my shoulder.

I giggled and Alex pouts at me. "See?" I shook my head and held open my arms for Alex. He smiles and sits next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders since Jack had my waist. I put my arms around Alex's waist and my head fell to his shoulder.

"That would make a good picture," Cassadee said.

Jack, Alex, and I all said, "No!" and I added, "Don't take a picture."

"I'm not. I was just saying," she laughs.

_**The Next Day**_

"Spencer!"

I walk to Jack's room and lean against the door frame, seeing him sitting on his bed with his laptop next to him. "Yes?"

"Alex called me and said that we're supposed to go to his house for a movie night," Jack says, looking up at me.

"Do you know when?"

"As soon as you are ready." Jack closes his laptop and gets off his bed, walking over to me.

"Alright," I sigh, turning around and walking to my room to get shoes. As I come out, I saw Jack going through his DVDs. "What are you doing?"

"Spencer, where's my copy of Home Alone!"

"We are not watching Home Alone."

"Why not!" Since he was on the floor, he laid down to look at me.

I walk over to him, so I'm standing next to him. "I have seen that movie as many times as you have."

Jack chuckled. "No one has seen that movie as many times as me. Now where's my copy!"

"I have no idea. I haven't lived here for a year!" I laugh.

He pouts, but holds his hands out to me. I take them both, helping him up. He hugs me tightly, rocking us from side to side a little. "You give, like, the best hugs ever," I giggled.

"Thank you." He kisses my forehead before stepping back from me completely. "Come on! Let's go!" Jack grabs my hand and starts pulling me out the door.

Glancing down, I noticed something. "Jack, you need shoes," I said.

"Huh?" Jack looks down. "Oh, shit. Okay, hang on." He runs back down the hallway, coming back a minute later with Nike's on. "Ready?"

"Mmhmm." I nod and take his hand again, walking him out the door.

_**Twenty Minutes Later**_

"Yes! They're here. We can watch the movie now," Rian says as Jack and I walk into the kitchen.

"Please tell me we are watching Home Alone," Jack says.

"No," Cassadee says, slightly whining. "I can't watch Home Alone anymore because of you, Jack."

"It is a great movie!" he defends.

"Calm down, Jack. It's just a movie," Zack says.

They keep talking as I feel arms snake around me from behind, as well as a chin resting on my shoulder. "Hey," Alex says.

I smile and turn around in his arms, wrapping my own around his neck. "Hi." He smiles and presses his forehead against mine before kissing my lips softly.

"Guuuuyyyyysss!" Giggling, I step back from Alex. "Do that later!" Jack whines, then pouts.

Alex sighs. "Really, Jack?"

"Yeah." Jack nods.

"Fine, then." Alex grabs my hand and pulls me into the living room, just to press his lips to mine. Smiling into his lips, I kiss his back, but part from him. "Hey, I'm not done." Alex kisses me again, longer this time. "Okay." He smiles at me.

I laugh and walk back into the kitchen, where Jack pulls me into a hug from the side. "Can we watch a movie now?"

I shrug, hugging him back. "It's not up to me."

"Yeah, we can." Alex takes my hand, I take Jack's and we all walk into the living room.

**XXXX**

"Hey, guys, what's-" I look up from my the TV at the front door to see Matt. "Spencer?"

"Matthew!" I say then smile.

"What are you-? Huh? Why are you here?" He was smiling, but seemed really confused. Rian, from his spot next to me on the couch, laughs, I stand up and hug Matt tightly. "I haven't seen you in, like, six months," Matt adds, hugging me just as tight.

"I know!" I step back from him and Alex comes back from his room.

"Hey, Matt." He smiles and waves a little.

"Someone wanna clue me in?" Matt asks, then looks at Rian.

"Easy." Alex shrugs, walks over to me, then kisses me.

"You guys are back together? Awww!" Matt hugs me as Alex steps back. "I knew he'd stop being stupid!"

"Hey!" Alex says, shooting Matt a glare.

"Well, you were," Matt defends.

"I know." Alex shrugs, then half smiles.

"Ah! Spencer!" Matt hugs me again. "I missed you!"

I giggle as I hug him back. "Missed you, too, Matt."

Matt steps back and Alex puts his arms around me from the side, his head laying on my shoulder. "We all missed you."

"True that," Rian throws in.

"So...question," Matt says.

"What?" Rian, Alex, and I all say together as I move away from Alex and sit back down next to Rian, who's on his laptop.

"Are you coming back on tour with us again?"

I shared a look with Alex, who shared a look with Rian, who shared a look with me. "I don't know," I started, looking at Rian and Alex again. "Am I?"

**Author's Note-**

**I typed this while watching Teen Mom. Me = Lame and slightly obsessed with this show, I'll admit. Sooooo…..yeah. See ya tomorrow : D**

**-Kelsey**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: But Just One Night Couldn't Be So Wrong**

**Spencer's POV**

"Do you want to?" Alex asked.

"I don't know..." I said, honestly. I was only worried that something would happen or we would see too much of each other again. Either way, Alex and I would end up breaking up again, and I just couldn't do that.

I was chewing on my lip as I thought and it was a good ten minutes before I finally decided. Eh, what's life without risks? "Do you want me to?" I asked, looking at Alex, Rian, and Matt.

"Yes," they all said together.

I giggled. "I'll go."

"Really?" they all asked again, eyes lighting up a little.

I shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"Fuck, yeah!" Matt stuck his arms in the air, then began punching it.

I looked at Rian, who was grinning, and he nodded. "It's gonna be fun."

Alex wrapped his arms around me then, kissing me. He grinned. "I missed you so much on tour."

"I guarantee it wasn't as much as I missed you," I said, taking his face in my hands and moving so I was sitting on my knees next to him. Rian stood up and started...celebrating, I guess, with Matt. "New York fucking sucked without you!" I kissed Alex again.

He moved my hands from his face and he held them in his own, kissing me again before pulling me to my feet with him. "But your coming on tour!"

"I'm coming on tour!"

"She's coming on tour!" Rian and Matt yelled that together, fists in the air.

Rian danced over to me, grabbed my hands and made me dance...sort of...with him. I giggled. "You're funny."

"I'm excited," he said, smiling.

"Excited for what?" Jack walked in the front door, Zack following close behind.

"Spencer's coming back on tour with us!" Matt yelled.

"Fuck, yes!" Jack yelled. He ran over to me, hugging me tight. "That's awesome!"

I laughed, "I love you," hugging him back.

"I love you, too, but your coming on tour with us!" he yelled, pulling back, but holding me out at arms length. He kissed my forehead, then walked over and started dancing around with Matt, Rian, and Alex...sort of.

I looked at Zack, who smiled at me. I skipped over to him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. His arms went around my waist and he chuckled. He picked me up and span me around, making me squeal and run back over to Alex, hiding behind him.

Alex chuckled and looked at me over his shoulder, then shrugged at Zack. I wrapped my arms around Alex's waist. "I'm going in tour with you!"

He laughed, hugging me the best he can. "I know!" I stood on my toes to kiss his cheek, but let him go. He turned around, facing me with a smile. "Do you know how much a year of touring sucked without you there?" I shook my head, smiling at him, and kissing his lips. "It sucked. A lot," he added, kissing me again.

"Hey, Spencer?"

I looked around Alex at Jack. "Yes?"

"You're serious, right?"

"Of course." I furrowed my eyebrows together. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

"Don't listen to Jack. He's a douche bag," Alex said.

"Fuck you, Alex," Jack said, shaking his head but he was smiling.

"Time and place, baby!" They both chuckled together and I raised an eyebrow at Alex when he looked back at me. He shrugged again and kissed my cheek before walking into the kitchen.

_**The Next Morning**_

I woke up the next morning to coughing coming from Alex, who was next to me. I heard sniffing and a mumbled, "Fuck," followed by more coughing.

Opening my eyes, I rolled over to face him. He wiped his nose and sniffed again as I said, "You okay?"

He shook his head. "I'm sick."

I nodded and climbed out of bed, already knowing what to do. I grabbed a blanket out of his closet and threw it over him. He cuddled into it immediately, reminding me of a little kid. "Want some soup?" I asked.

He nodded, his eyes falling closed and sniffing again. "Please."

I walked out of his room, running a hand through my hair, and over to get a can of soup and a pan out of the cabinets in the kitchen. I was heating up the soup when I heard more coughing and a second later Alex was standing next to me.

"I would've brought it to you," I said.

He had the blanket I gave him wrapped around him like a robe without sleeves. "I was cold," he said, his voice raspy and smiling sheepishly. I noticed he had put on sweatpants and socks.

I let him wrap his arms around me from the side, hoping to warm him up. His head laid on my shoulder and I kissed his forehead. "Jeez, your forehead's on fire," I said.

"I know," he mumbled.

This is how it always was. Alex would get sick, making everyone else sick and I was always the last to get it. That also left me to take care of everyone else. Which is probably why I got sick in the first place.

Alex went into the living room with his soup. Rian walked into the kitchen rubbing his eyes as I was getting some medicine out of another cabinet for Alex.

Rian saw the pan on the stove and the sinus pills, as well as some Tylenol, and looked up at me. "Alex is sick?"

I nodded, pushing the pills to the edge of the counter with one hand and letting them fall into the other. "Yup." I shrugged at Rian before walking into the living room with a cup of Sunny D. "Here. Take these." I held my hand out to Alex.

He half smiled and took the pills and the Sunny D from me. I sat next to him and he said, "I'm sorry, Spencer."

"It's not your fault," I said as he took the pills. He laid his head on my shoulder and I started playing with his hair.

Rian came into the living room then, a bowl of the soup I just made in his hands. "How you feeling?" he asked Alex, taking a seat next to him.

"Terrible," Alex chuckled. "At least we're not on tour right now."

"True," Rian said.

"Can you and Jack take Zack to the airport today?" Alex asked.

Oh, yeah, Zack's going home today.

"Yeah, sure," Rian replied, nodding.

Alex sat his bowl and Sunny D down on the coffee table in front of us. He wrapped the blanket tighter around him before cuddling back into my side. "I'm so cold."

"Do you want another blanket?" I asked.

He hesitated. "I don't know yet," he chuckled. I smirked, putting my arms around him in an attempt to warm him up a little. "You are so warm."

"Yeah, I'm getting you another blanket." I got up and went to his room, getting the blanket off of his bed. When I got back to the living room, I sat next to him with the blanket over both of us. His head rested on my shoulder and my arms went around him once again.

Rian looked over at Alex. "I feel so bad for you."

Alex shook his head. "Don't."

"Where is Zack?" I asked out of nowhere, pulling my legs up on the couch to get more comfortable.

"Jack's," Alex and Rian said together.

Rian looked back at Alex. "So, you're my best friend, but I do not want to get sick. I'm going to Jack's."

"I don't want you to get sick. I feel like shit," Alex said as Rian went to his room. He poked my stomach. "You're gonna get sick, too."

"I always do," I laughed.

"So, then stop taking care of my sick self."

"No." I shook my head. "Wanna watch a movie?"

He nodded. "Yes, please."

Two hours later, Alex went to go take a nap in his room. I was laying on the couch covered by a blanket watching another movie.

The front door opened, so I looked up and saw Jack. He sat down on the couch then laid down behind me except on top of the blanket. One on his arms draped over my waist. "Where's sicky?"

"Sleeping in his room," I replied, folding my arm and using it as a pillow. "Where's Rian?"

"Taking Zack to the airport."

Alex came out of his room and stood next to the couch, a blanket around him again. Jack moved so he was sitting on the floor. "I couldn't sleep. I'm too cold," Alex said.

I sat up and let him lay down on the couch. Once he was and had his blanket over him, he held open his arms. I half smiled and laid down in front of him, his arms going around me and me throwing my blanket over both of us because I knew he'd need it.

Alex's forehead was laying against my shoulder and Jack got up saying, "I'm gonna raid your fridge," while walking into the kitchen.

I looked over at Alex and kissed the top of his head. "Feel any better at all?"

"No." He shook his head a little, his arms tightening around me. "I'm. So. Cold."

I sighed. "Hot chocolate?"

"Please?" He looked up and smiled a little.

I went into the kitchen, finding Jack looking through the fridge. He glanced at me once I got a coffee mug out of the cabinet. "Hot chocolate?" he asked, moving something over in the fridge.

"Yup," I replied.

See? Same thing happens each time.

I carried two coffee mugs into the living room ten minutes later, one for Alex and one for Jack. I handed Jack his and shook Alex's shoulder since his eyes were closed.

He opened one eye then smiled, sat up and took the cup from me. I sat next to him and he asked, "You don't want any?"

I shook my head. "Nah, I'm good."

"This is the only good thing about Alex being sick," Jack mumbled.

"It really is," Alex agreed.

They drank their hot chocolate and Alex went to his room to try to take a nap again. After putting the cups in the sink, I went back to the living room and sat next to Jack on the couch. We kept watching the movie that was on for a few minutes, but Jack looked at me.

"So, you're seriously here to stay and coming on tour with us?" he asked.

I nodded, smiling a little. "Yes and yes." Jack smiled back before looking down. He got a look on his face, like he was thinking hard about something. "What are you thinking about?" I asked, my head cocked to the right a little.

He looked up at me and shook his head. "Nothing."

"Jack, I know when you're lying," I said. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, Spencer," he said, still clearly lying, and looking back at the TV.

"Jack," I took his chin in my hand and looked directly into his eyes, "what's wrong?"

"You really wanna know?" He moved my hand from his face.

"Of course."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "You."

"What?"

He took my face in his hands and kissed me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: It Was Always You**

**Spencer's POV**

I found myself kissing back, my hands tangling in his hair, after the shock from his lips on mine in the first place. Something was pushing at my mind, telling me this was all wrong.

Looks like I still love Jack, too.

I pulled back from his lips when I realized what it was as Alex crossed my mind. Jack was staring at me with so much in his eyes, I couldn't really tell what was going through his head. Eventually, I looked down and blinked hard when tears came to my eyes.

I just got him back and I fucked it up.

Wiping my eyes quickly, I looked up at Jack. He looked so hurt and so...lost I couldn't even look at him. He sighed heavily, standing up. I looked up at Jack as he got the front door open.

"Jack-" I started, but it's cut off by the door slamming shut.

I hurt him so much and there's nothing I can do about it.

I sighed to myself and put my face in my hands. But before I could let tears escape, Alex called to me from his room.

Wiping my eyes at tears that were threatening to escape, I got up and went down the hall to his room. I stood in the doorway and looked at Alex, who was laying in his bed. "Yeah?" I asked.

He looked at me. "Will you lay down with me?" I nodded and walked over to him, laying down on his bed. Our arms went around each other and my head laid on his chest.

_This is where I belong. My heart is with him._

I blinked back tears again, but this time Alex noticed as one fell from my eye. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, tilting my chin up with his hand.

I shook my head and turned around, laying on my stomach and burying my face in a pillow. "You're not gonna like it."

Alex laid next to me, one arm draped over my waist. "Spencer?" he asked, hesitantly.

"I kissed Jack," I said, my voice going higher because of the tears I was holding back.

"What?" Alex said. I could tell he leaned closer to me.

"I kissed Jack," I whispered, tears finally falling from my eyes and into the pillow.

It took a second, but Alex finally moved his arm away and sat up. "You did what?" he asked, his voice going up a level in volume. I didn't look at him, mainly because I couldn't. He sighed and the bed lifted, signaling he got up. I sat up so I could face him. "Why?" he asked after a second, clearly pissed off.

The only thing I could think of to say was, "He kissed me first."

"That doesn't matter." He sighed again then brought his hands to his face and dragged them down. "Seriously, Spence? After everything that has happened, you still kissed him?" he yelled, his voice cracking slightly because he was sick.

I bit my lip and looked down at the bed. I had no idea what to say and Alex still doesn't know I love Jack as well.

I'm a terrible girlfriend.

I heard footsteps and looked up just as Alex was walking out of his room. "Where are you going?" I asked, finally finding my voice.

"I don't know," he said, showing annoyance as he grabbed a hoodie and left his room. A minute later, I heard the front door slam.

I can't keep doing this to either of them.

**XXXX**

Five hours later I heard footsteps come into Alex's bedroom that I had yet to leave. When he left all I did was lay down, cry, sleep an hour, cry some more, and think about everything that has happened between Jack, Alex, and I.

My eyes were closed, so when the bed dipped next to me and a hand laid on my shoulder, I didn't see who it was. "Spencer," Alex said. I let my eyes that were blotchy flutter open to see him sitting next to me. I didn't say anything, just stared at him. He sighed and moved his hand. "You love Jack, too, huh?"

I gave him a confused look and sat up. "How did you-?"

He cut me off. "I just put two and two together." He shrugged. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, yeah. 'Hey, babe, by the way, I love Jack, too,'" I said, sarcastically. "That would not go over well."

He chuckled and grabbed one of my hands. "Good point." He was tracing circles on my hand, staring down at it. But he looked back up at me. "He's crushed," Alex said.

I let out an exasperated breath and flopped back down on my back. "I'm an awful person."

"No, you're not." He laid down next to me. "I, honestly, knew there was something between you two," he started, "I just didn't want to believe it. Hell, I still don't."

"Alex," I said after a few minutes. He looked over at me. "You know I love you, right?"

He furrowed his brow and looked at me like he started searching my eyes. "Of course. Why?"

"I would never leave you for Jack," I said, honestly, looking directly into his eyes.

Alex looked taken aback, but said. "I knew that after he told you he loved you the first time."

"'Honestly, the person who has the best chance of breaking up the two of you is yourself, Alex,'" Alex and I said, quoting Jack entirely from the first Warped Tour. We both looked back up at the ceiling.

"Can you, please, stop kissing Jack, though?" Alex asked, and I could hear the pain in his voice.

"Yes, I promise," I said, then added quickly, "It's not like I wanted to, Alex." Then I told him what exactly had happened. "I couldn't really...agree or disagree with it."

He sighed. "I see why. Thank you for being honest."

"I don't wanna lie to you," I said, simply. "But he's mad at me now."

"He'll get over it," Alex said, then chuckled lightly. "Remember when you came back from New York for the first time? He was sad because you left, but when you visited he was ecstatic."

I chuckled, "Yes."

**Flashback**

_I walked up the steps to Jack's house, pulling the sleeves of my shirt down. Raising my fist, I hesitantly knocked on the door. A short time later, the door opened to reveal Jack. I smiled and waved slightly as his eyes widened slowly._

_"SPENCER!" He hugged me tightly and picked me up, spinning me around._

_"Jack, put me down," I laughed._

_He set me down on the porch since we were now outside, but didn't let go of me yet. "I missed you so much!"_

_I laughed again and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I missed you, too. Where are the others?"_

_"Jack, we know you love her, but you can't hog Spencer."_

_I stepped back from Jack to see Rian in the doorway. "Rian!" I skipped over to him and hugged him tightly._

_He hugged me back. "It's good to see you."_

_"Mmhmm." I nodded, not letting him go yet._

_"Jack, Rian! Who's here?" I heard Zack call just before he walked around the corner and saw me. "Spencer!"_

_"Hi, Zack!" I waved and Rian let me go. I skipped over to Zack and hugged him as Jack shut the door to his house._

_"Okay, I wanna hug you again." Jack wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I turned around in his arms and hugged him again._

_A toilet flushed and a few seconds later Alex walked down the hallway. I let go of Jack as the room fell silent to see Alex's eyes widen. "Spencer," he said._

_"Hi." I smiled and waved a little. At this point, I didn't really care about what had happened between us. But I didn't want him back._

_Jack, Rian, and Zack looked between each other before walking back into the living room. Alex smiled. "Can I have a hug?" I smirked and walked into his open arms, wrapping my own around him. "It's good to see you," he said._

_"Group hug!" Jack yelled and then three other bodies hugged me and Alex._

_"You guys are the best," I giggled_.

Alex and I were both chuckling. "We were so happy to see you," Alex said.

"I was happy to see you, too," I said.

"Spencer," Alex put an arm over my waist after propping himself up on his side, "you seriously want to come on tour with us?"

I nodded. "Absolutely." He grinned and pecked my lips. My face fell. "I have to talk to Jack."

Alex sighed, but nodded. "Yeah. You do."

"Alex?"

"Hm?" He raised his eyebrows.

"I keep hurting him."

He sighed and laid down on his stomach next to me. His arm was still over my waist and he was playing with the sleeve of my shirt. "I know."

"I don't want to anymore." I shook my head and tears filled my eyes.

"I'm hurting him, too, because I'm the one who gets to call you my girlfriend." Alex folded his arm and used it as a pillow.

"But I'm hurting him more because I chose you over him."

Alex moved his head to my shoulder. "He won't love you forever."

"I'm not so sure." After that, nothing was said.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Try To Forget Love, 'Cause Love's Forgotten Me**

**Spencer's POV**

Taking a deep breath, I walked into Jack's house. He was laying down on the couch, staring at the ceiling. I stood next to the couch, my hands resting on the back, and looked down at him. "Jack?"

He looked at me, but didn't say a word. I didn't know what to say either. So, we stared at each other for a second until he shifted his gaze back to the ceiling. "Jack, please don't freeze me out," I said.

He shook his head. "I don't know what to say to you," he replied quietly.

"So, you're just gonna lay there?"

"What do you want me to do, Spence?" he said in his normal voice, but I could hear the pain in his tone. "Watch you love my best friend?" He shook his head, sitting up with his legs pulled to his chest. "I don't know how much longer I can do that," he whispered, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his forehead on them.

"Jack," I sat down with my legs crossed across from him, since he was up against the arm of the couch, "if I'm being honest, I don't want you to because it hurts you so much."

He lifted his head, but kept looking down at the cushions. "If I'm behind honest, I don't want to love you anymore. I don't...I don't even have a chance with you."

"Ja-"

"It's true, and you know it."

I sighed and looked down myself. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "You left for a year and I still love you, so..." He trailed off and rested his forehead against his knees again.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, a few tears falling.

Damn it. I thought I was done crying!

I put my face in my hands. There's absolutely nothing I can do. I can't change, I'm not leaving Alex, and I can't change Jack's feelings for me.

I heard Jack moving closer to me and then he hugged me. "Please don't cry. I hate to watch you cry."

Smiling through the tears, I looked up at him. "Did you do that on purpose?"

He chuckled after thinking for a second then shook his head. "No." He wiped the tears from my face. "But I really do hate watching you cry. I was serious about that."

"I know." I wrapped my arms around him, too, my head resting against his shoulder. "I hate hurting you every day."

He shrugged. "I'd rather see you happy."

I groaned and pushed him away. "Stop being so freaking sweet."

He laughed and I crossed my arms, pouting. "I'm sorry?" he said, chuckling.

"See? Any girl would be lucky to have you as her boyfriend."

He smirked and I saw a small blush creep onto his cheeks. "Thanks, I guess."

I hesitated before saying, "So...are we cool?"

Jack nodded. "Yes."

"Okay." I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Wanna watch Home Alone?"

His eyes lit up and he grinned, making me laugh. "YES!"

**XXXX**

"Can I ask you a question?"

Jack looked at me from his spot next to me on his couch. "Yeah, anything."

"When I saw Alex kissing Kayla...is that how you feel everyday? Like someone is stabbing a knife in your heart?"

He looked down at the floor for a second, but then looked up at me. "No," he said and I could tell he was being honest. "At least, not all of the time. Sometimes yes, though."

I wrapped my arms around him, my head falling to his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

He slid an arm around my waist. "Like you felt, all I ask is that you're in my life somehow."

"I couldn't even live with that for two weeks. How can you live with that all the time?"

He shrugged. "Because I'd rather see you happy. And that makes it better." He kissed my forehead. "But I don't wanna talk about this anymore!"

I giggled. "Okay. But I'm not letting go of you."

"And I'm okay with that. What time is it?"

"It's almost one in the morning."

Jack laid his head on mine. "Tired?"

"No." I pulled my legs up on the couch.

"Movie time?"

"Scary movie time."

"Yes!" He got up and went over to his shelf of movies. A second later he pulled out House Of Wax.

I raised an eyebrow. "Paris Hilton?"

"Please?" He grinned.

I shook my head, but smiled and said, "Whatever."

An hour later, I jumped as someone got killed and hid my face in Jack's chest. "I fucking hate you."

"Hey, that's not nice." He lifted my chin with his finger to make me look at him. I stuck my tongue out at him before hiding my face in his chest again. "Spencer," he kissed the top of my head, "it's just a movie."

"I don't care." I jumped and screamed when my phone started ringing. "Son of a bitch." I dug it out of my pocket to see Alex was calling me. Jack paused the movie and got up, but I grabbed his hand. "Please don't leave me alone," I said before answering my cell phone.

Haha, rhyme.

He chuckled. "Scared?"

"Absolutely. Sit down."

"Demanding."

I rolled my eyes before placing my phone to my ear. "Hello?"

Jack sat back down as Alex's raspy voice came over the phone. "Hey, I just wanted to know if you guys worked things out?"

"So, you call at two AM?" I laughed. "Yeah. We're watching House Of Wax."

"Ah, Paris Hilton."

"Watch it, Alex," I said as Jack laid his head on my shoulder and pouted at me. I smiled at him and shook my head before running my fingers through his hair.

"Can't help it, sorry. She's hot. Not as hot as you, though. Anyways," he said that so fast, I almost missed it, "I'm freezing."

"I'm sorry. Do you want me to come back over there? And thank you." Jack scowled at me, keeping the pout on his face, as soon as I said that.

"No. Not unless you just want to. And no problem." He sighed. "Actually, yeah. But finish your movie first."

"Mkay. I'll be over in a while. I'll make Jack drive me." As I said that Jack gave me a look then stuck his tongue out at me.

"Haha, good luck with that. See you soon."

"Mmhmm. Bye. Try to go to sleep."

"No promises. Bye."

We hung up and I slid my phone in my pocket as Jack said, "I'm not driving you to Alex."

"Please, Jack?" I pouted at him.

He shook his head. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

I put my arms around him and kissed his cheek. "Please?"

Jack sighed. "You're lucky you're pretty."

I laughed. "Love you, Jack."

"Love you, too, Spencer," he replied as he hit play on the remote.

**XXXX**

At three-thirty in the morning I walked into Alex and Rian's house. Jack mumbled something about crashing on the couch and laid down on it as I walked down the hallway to Alex's room. When I got there he was playing Angry Birds on his iPod. His room was dark and the only thing lighting it up was his iPod and his alarm clock, plus the small glare from the window.

I walked in and shut the door, making him look up. He grinned, turned off his iPod and I laid down next to him. "Hi," he said, rolling over on his side to face me.

I faced him, too, and replied with, "Hey," smiling at him. "Do you feel better?"

He shook his head and chuckled, "Not really."

"I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around him, my head laying against his chest.

His arms went around me, too, and he said, "I wish I was as warm as you."

I giggled. "Just try to go to sleep."

"I will." About ten minutes past before he said something else. "Spencer, are you still awake?"

"Mmhmm," I mumbled. "What's up?" I looked up at him.

"We go on tour in about a week and a half," he said, "and Rian's sick now."

"That's cool." I cut off with a yawn, then added. "Figures he would be. That means Jack'll be next. Then me. By the way, Jack's sleeping on the couch."

"That's predictable," he laughed then sighed as he relaxed. "Thank you."

"For what?" I looked up at him.

"Coming here and staying with me and taking care of me when I'm sick."

I kissed him. "You're welcome. Warm yet?"

"Finally," Alex laughed. "I wish you wouldn't kiss me, Spencer. I'm sick."

"I'm gonna get sick anyways. Would just accept my help without a fight?"

"No, 'cause that'd be too easy." We both chuckled together. "So, you and Jack are okay now?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Mmhmm." I nodded a little, feeling myself falling asleep.

Alex chuckled then said, "Night, Spence."

"Night, Alex."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16: Confusion, Surprises, and Doubt**

**Spencer's POV**

_**Three Days Later**_

"Speeennnncccerrrrr!"

I walked into Jack's living room to see him pouting at me. I giggled at him. He was paler than normal, his lips were chapped, and his nose was red since he woke up sick today.

I sat next to him. "What'cha need, Jack?"

"To feel better," he said bluntly, then curled into my side. "I feel terrible!"

"I know," I replied. "I'm sorry."

He sighed and I saw his eyes close. "I can't breathe through my nose and I'm freezing!" he yelled the last part, but his voice cracked.

I laughed and looked down at him. "What can I do to help?"

"Nothing," he said simply. "You can stay here and keep me company."

"That's what I've been doing," I laughed.

"I know. And, thank you for that."

"No problem."

He sniffed then rubbed his eyes. "You're gonna get so sick."

"Yup. I always do. Now be quiet and except my help. I'm not gonna go through this argument."

He chuckled. "Thanks for the help, Spencer."

"No problem." I kissed his nose.

He crinkled his nose a second then said, "I feel awful."

"I know," I said. "I'm still sorry."

"And I'm still sorry I'm gonna get you sick."

"So will Alex and Rian."

"But that doesn't mean I'm not included in it."

"Touché."

_**Five Hours Later**_

"Spence."

"Hm?" I looked up at Alex from the couch at his house. He was a lot better now, not having violent cough and sneeze fits. Jack fell asleep and I got bored, so I came here. I left him a note, of couse.

Alex sat next to me on the couch, then took both of my hands in his. "You're not gonna like it."

Of course, my mind jumps to the worse thing possible and I think he's going to break up with me. But I said, "What's wrong?"

He hesitated and I saw worry in his eyes. "I may or may not have told Ashley I would meet up with her to talk about why we broke up."

My first instinct was to get mad, but I laughed a little bit and said, "Why would you do that?" more for my benefit than his.

"'Cause I'm stupid." He let go of my hands and leaned back so he was slouching.

"You're not stupid." I turned to face him and crossed my legs. "When do you have to go?"

"She told me to meet her at Starbucks in an hour." Alex looked at me. "I want you to come with me."

"Why? So, she can get pissed at me?" I smirked.

"No, because I love you and anything she says to me she can say in front of you." He looked like he was thinking for a second, then added, "Plus, she kinda scares me." I raised an eyebrow and his eyes darted around the room. "She threw stuff at me when she was mad."

My eyes grew wide. "So, she's crazy?"

"Oh, hands down, yeah." He smiled at me. "And, that's also why I want you to come with me."

I sighed. "I guess I can do that."

"You don't want to?" That question came out more as a statement.

"Yeah, let me just go with my boyfriend to talk to his ex girlfriend about why he broke up with her for me," I said, sarcastically. Alex chuckled. "That will be the most awkward conversation of my life...aside from sex talks."

Alex laughed and I smirked. "It'll be awkward for me, too."

"I never said it wouldn't be." I kissed his cheek. "But I have a feeling she's gonna...slap me, or something."

"Nooo. She'll, at most, cuss you out...hopefully."

"Yeah...that made me feel better." He chuckled again at my sarcasm.

**XXXX**

"Hey, Ashley."

Alex's hand in mine, I hid behind him as he stepped next to a booth with a very tired looking Ashley in one side. You could tell by the almost black circles under her eyes. I could just barely see her face light up and her smile at Alex. "Hey."

I was jealous, I'll admit. But when Alex stepped out of the way to reveal me, I almost choked on my own words. "You remember Spencer, right?"

Ashley looked at me, a totally fake smile on her face that was so forced it looked like it almost hurt. "Sure. Hi, Spence."

Using my nickname, for some reason, only makes me dislike her more, and she knew that. "Hi," I said while smiling half heartedly, except mine wasn't forced.

Alex slid into the booth and pulled me in next to him, his hand leaving mine just to rest it on my hip as he snaked his arm around my waist, making me scoot closer to him. His opposite hand grabbed my own. Ashley's eyes darted from me to Alex and something formed in her eyes that I couldn't read. Her eyes searched the table and she moved her hands to rest them in her lap.

She just got nervous.

I saw some more emotions cross her face and Alex raised an eyebrow. "Was there something you wanted to talk about, or...?" he trailed off, leaving his question hanging in the air.

Ashley looks up as if she just remembered we were sitting across from her. "Oh, um," she shook her head and I could tell she changed her mind at what she was going to say when she continued, "I...actually wanted to say sorry."

"WHAT?" My eyebrows, along with Alex's, shot up when we both said that.

She's apologizing?

"Um...yeah. I-I was...well, a bitch." She looked up from the table and met my eyes, then Alex's. "To both of you."

Alex and I shared looks before we both turned back to Ashley. "Um...thanks...I guess," Alex finally said, scratching his head, but he half smiled at Ashley.

She half smiled, too. "I have to go now. But thanks for meeting me." Alex and I waved slightly at her and we watched her walk out of the Starbucks completely before I looked at him.

"Do you believe her?"

He shook his head. "Not one bit." Then, he kissed me.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. "Good, I didn't either." Alex laughed and he and I stood up from the booth.

His fingers twined with mine as we walked out to his car. "She still gives me the creeps."

I giggled. "What kind of stuff did she throw at you?"

"TV remotes, her cell phone, a hair brush, a spatula, clothes, a hair straightener-" my eyes widened and I looked at him, "Ohhh, yeah. Let's see... pens, my song notebook, pillows, shoes, my alarm clock, and so many more countless items I dodged."

"I'm so sorry," I said.

"I'm just glad you're not...violent."

I laughed and climbed into the passenger seat of the car.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17: Honestly, You've Got It All Wrong**

**Spencer's POV**

Alex and I decided to go to Jack's after Starbucks to check on him. Upon walking into his house, we saw him hopping from the kitchen to his couch. I shut the door as Alex asked, "Dude, what'd you do?"

"Broke a cup and stepped in the glass," Jack replied, wincing as he sat down. "Damn it, there's glass in my foot."

He was about to get back up, but I stopped him. "Sit. I'll get it out," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him back into his seat.

I went into the bathroom to get everything I would need. A minute later, I had a big band-aid, peroxide, a few cotton balls for the peroxide, tweezers, a towel to wipe up blood I'm assuming would be there, and then I got a paper towel out of the kitchen to put the glass on. I sat down in front of Jack on the coffee table. Alex was now next to him.

"Gimme your foot," I said. Jack lifted his foot, wincing again. He rested his foot on my knee once I got the towel laid across it and I got to work at pulling the glass out of his foot. Then I used a trick my mom taught me when she used to clean my cuts. "Did I ever tell you guys about the time I got shot?"

"What?" Alex and Jack said together.

"You got shot?" Alex said, eyes wide. I nodded and he and Jack shared a look. "Um, please tell."

"So, when I was living in New York, I worked at a law firm, right?" They nodded. "Well, on my lunch break I went to a McDonalds a few blocks away. On my way back, I got a phone call so I took it outside just before walking in." I wiped some blood off of Jack's foot, not even really phased by it.

"And then what?" Jack asked.

"So, this guy comes up, covers my mouth with his hand and drags me into a nearby alley. He knocks my phone from my hand, it goes flying, then shoves me into the brick building behind me."

Alex winced and he and Jack shared another look. "Continue," he said.

"This was stupid, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut and was like, 'Bro, what the fuck?' and he's all, 'Give me all your money!'" Alex and Jack laughed at my fake guy voice before I went on. "I give him all my money, he doesn't believe I don't have anymore, pulls a gun on me."

Alex and Jack's eyes went wide. "So then what?" Jack prodded.

"I keep saying I don't have anymore money, he doesn't believe me, shoots me right here-" I point just below my left shoulder, "-then runs off." At this point, I was putting peroxide on Jack's foot with a cotton ball.

"So, what happened then?" Alex said as I put a band-aid on Jack's foot.

I shrugged. "I went back to work, the wound healed and now I have a bullet in my shoulder."

"You're full of shit," Jack said.

"Yup." I smiled. "But you didn't feel a thing, did you?" I pointed to his foot.

Jack examined his foot and said, "Whoa," as I picked up the towel and threw away the paper towel filled with glass. I set the peroxide, tweezers, towel, and unused cotton balls on the kitchen counter. "Are you some kind of wizard?"

"Ninja wizard." I smirked and cleaned up the rest of the broken glass, then sat on the couch between Alex and Jack.

Alex smiled and slung an arm around my shoulders. "You're gonna make a good mom someday."

I smiled then looked at Jack since he was still checking out his foot. "You okay?" I nudged him with my elbow.

He nodded. "Just surprised." He put his foot down and his head fell to my shoulder. "And I still feel awful. Will you stay here tonight?"

"Yes," I replied, leaning my head on his.

"Can Alex stay, too?" Alex asked.

Jack shrugged with one shoulder. "If you want. I don't care." Then Jack sat up and yelled, "SLEEPOVER!" his voice cracking and all while sticking his arms in the air. "Just like we used to." Alex and I chuckled and Jack looked at me. "Can I cuddle with you?"

I held open my arms that he moved into. "Yup. You'd make a great mom," Alex said, pecking my temple.

"Thanks, Lex." I smiled, secretly wondering what got him thinking so much about kids.

**XXXX**

"Spence."

I looked over Jack's couch at Alex once he whispered my name. He was just in sweatpants and was rubbing at his eye. "Are you ever gonna sleep?" he asked.

I turned back to Jack, who had fallen asleep with his head in my lap, then shifted my gaze back to Alex. "I don't think I can get up," I whispered.

Alex walked over to the couch and looked down at Jack. He shook his shoulder before I could say any protest. Jack's eyes fluttered open slowly and he looked at Alex, who said, "Bro, go to bed. It'll be more comfortable then Spencer's lap."

Jack sat up, rubbing his eyes. I hugged him good night, leaving the living room that was only lit by the TV. "No fucking, guys," Jack said as Alex and I walked back to my room.

"I make no promises," Alex said.

"I do," I replied.

"Awww..."

The last thing I heard was Jack laughing before I shut the door to my room. I got pajamas out as Alex got into my bed, changed my clothes, then laid down next to Alex. My room was dark, except the slight glare from the window. Alex wrapped his arms around me and I said, "Okay, so I have a question."

"Okay. What is it?" he asked.

"What's got you thinking about kids all of the sudden?"

I saw that he looked slightly taken aback. "How could you tell?"

"You said I would make a good mom twice today in less than ten minutes."

His cheeks flushed a little. "I don't know..." he said quietly.

I poked his stomach. "Come on..."

"It's just- I don't know. I was at my mom's earlier, right?" I nodded. He was at his mom's when I was here this morning. "And my cousin was there with her kid and he's, like, three and it just made me think about having a kid someday." I was thinking about this, taking it all in when he said, "Spencer, we'll make adorable kids."

I smiled at that, happy because he'd could see us having kids someday. "We would." Once I said that, I buried my face in his chest.

There was a knock on my bedroom door and then it cracked open. "Is it safe to open the door?"

I laughed and sat up. "What'cha need, Jack?"

"I don't wanna sleep alone." You could practically hear the pout in his voice.

I looked at Alex, silently asking him a question. He shrugged and I looked back at Jack. "Come here."

Jack walked in, shutting the door behind him. I laid back down and Jack crawled into bed next to me. "Do I have to sleep head-to-toe like we used to?"

Alex and I chuckled and I shook my head. "No."

"Okay." Jack rolled over, not facing me. I curled back into Alex as he wrapped his arms around me again. "Night, guys. I love you!" Jack said.

Alex and I laughed again and he said, "Good night, Jack."

_**Next Morning**_

"Guuyyyys! Wake up!"

I rolled over and looked at Jack. He was pouting at me, sitting with his legs crossed on the bed. Alex, to my right, breathed in deeply and stretched. "You know, you sure are needy," he said.

Jack shrugged. "I'm the sick one. It's expected."

They started talking and I just got up and went to the bathroom. When I walked back to my room, they were both still in there. I sneezed, making them both look at me. "That's exactly how mine started," Alex said.

"Same here," Jack threw in.

"Fuck." I mumbled, bringing my hands to my face, just to drag them down.

As the day went on, more sneezing, coughing, chills, and body aches came with it. I was now laying down on Jack's couch with a blanket over me and Jack laying behind me. Alex was at the store, currently buying us soup and medicine. Jack and I were both cold, so we laid down together.

"Spencer, I'm freezing," Jack said, burying his nose in my hair.

"Me, too," I mumbled, getting up and walking back to my room and then Jack's. I came back a second later with a hoodie on, plus one for Jack. He sat up to put his hoodie on and I sat next to him before he put the blanket over both of us. "Come here," I said quietly, but I was the one that scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his lanky frame.

His arms closed around me as well. "You know, you'd think this would help," he said.

"I know, right?" I said.

Jack looked at me, hope filling his eyes. "Will you watch Home Alone with me?"

"Didn't we just watch it, like, three days ago?"

"So?"

I giggled. "Sure."

"Yay!" He got up, picked up the movie that was sitting on the coffee table, put it in the DVD player, then sat back next to me before putting the TV on the right setting.

I was wrapped in his arms again, watching the movie when Alex walked in the door. He looked pissed, but I got confused and furrowed my eyebrows at him when I happened to notice something.

Right there, smack in the middle of his left cheek, was red lipstick in the form of lip marks.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note- To be fair, my computer was not cooperating with me. I was going to update, I promise!**

**And thanks to all of you who have reviewed and put up with me never updating anymore : )**

**Chapter 18: We All Get Stuck In Funny Ways Sometimes**

**Spencer's POV**

"Before you get mad," Alex started as I untangled myself from Jack, "let me explain."

"Okay," I agreed as Jack raised an eyebrow at Alex.

"Went to the store, got medicine and soup," he held up a white plastic bag, "and on the way out...I guess Ashley works there now, I didn't know, but on the way out she pretty much cornered me and tried to kiss me, but I turned my head at the last second and ended up with this." He pointed to his cheek.

Jack looked at me. "You know, I never liked her."

"I'm starting to question why I did," Alex said as he went over to the kitchen.

He was washing his cheek off when Jack looked at me. "You lived in New York." He nudged my arm with his hand. "Kick her ass, Brooklyn style!"

I laughed and shook my head. "I'm too sick to do that." Alex and Jack both laughed and Alex walked back into the living room, sitting next to me.

"You believe me, right?" he asked, fear in his eyes.

I nodded, eyebrows furrowing together. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know..." He shrugged a little, grabbing my hand. "Your hands are like icicles."

I nodded again as he grabbed my other hand. "Yup."

Jack curled back into my side, leaning his head onto my shoulder. "Cold!" he yelled, his voice cracking.

"Jack feels left out." I nodded my head towards him.

"I do," said person confessed with a sigh.

I pulled my hands from Alex's because, let's be honest, that wasn't working, and stuffed them into the pockets of my hoodie. "Can we have that soup now?" I asked, leaning my head onto his shoulder.

He chuckled and nodded before getting up. "Yeah."

_**Three Days Later**_

Finally, I feel better, but I don't really know what to think of all these nightmares. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't keep having them, though.

They don't happen every night, but about every three nights. And when I wake up and Alex isn't laying next to me, all I do is get scared even more since in the nightmares he hates me. Like the 'I want her dead' type of hate.

The band goes on tour in two days for their album Dirty Work that they have yet to release...makes no sense to me, but whatever. Because of this, I stayed with Alex tonight, but he's currently not in bed. I kicked off the covers, got up, and walked out of the room, running smack into Alex once I turned to the left out of the doorway.

"Whoa." Alex wrapped his arms around me, gaining both of our balance and keeping us from falling. He chuckled. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for you," I said, pushing back gently from his chest. "Why are you awake?"

"I had to pee," he said bluntly, shrugging. "Why are you up?"

"Nightmare." Alex frowned and I buried my face in his chest since his arms were still around me.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"It's nothing different than it normally is."

Okay, so, Alex only knows that the nightmares are basically about Drew beating me up, in different ways every time. He has no idea that in the dream he's there and almost...helps Drew. It's not that I'm afraid he'll hit me because I know he won't, it's that I'm absolutely terrified Drew will find me here, and Alex won't be there to save me.

I mean, how do you tell your boyfriend that you're having dreams about him and your ex beating you up?

"Come on," Alex whispered. I pulled back completely from him, rubbing my eyes and following him back to his room. We both laid down and I just stared at the ceiling, not really sure what to do. I didn't want to close my eyes. I hated those dreams.

"Spencer." Alex pulled me to him by his arm draping over my waist. "What's wrong?"

And then I started crying. Like, full on sobbing.

"FUCK, I am so done with crying."

"What?" Alex said.

I only realized then that I had said that out loud. I wiped my nose and my eyes then sat up. Looking down at Alex, I said, "Promise not to be upset?"

"Um...sure?" He furrowed the two bushes of eyebrows together. "What's wrong?" Then I told him the full story of the nightmares. He was fuming when I was done and punched his pillow. "I am going to kill him if I ever see him. I am so sick of you being scared over him. He shouldn't have done that to you!"

"Alex-"

"Don't try to defend him, Spencer," he snapped. I dropped my gaze to the bed, the tears still slowly falling. Alex sighed and sat up, scooting closer to me. He took my chin in his hand and made me meet his eyes. "I didn't mean to snap like that, I'm sorry." He wiped away tears with his opposite hand. "But NO ONE deserves to be scared like this."

I moved his hand from my chin and wiped my eyes again. I didn't know what to say, had no idea at all. So, I let his words hang in the air. A second later his hands went to my hips and he pressed his forehead against mine. "I would never hurt you like that, okay?" he whispered.

I nodded a bit and whispered, "I know."

"Okay." He kissed me.

I bit my lip when he pulled back, noticing the tears stopped. "I'm sorry, Alex."

He laid back down, shaking his head. "It is, by no means, you're fault." I laid down next to him, my head on his chest and his arm around me. "At least we start the tour tomorrow and you know there's no way he'll be able to find you when you're not here. You said he never really asked about your past, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "He does know I'm from here, but doesn't know it was you I was with for so long."

"Okay." I think he nodded, but I wasn't looking at him, so I couldn't tell.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Just..." I shook my head, pulling the covers up and over both of us. "Thank you. For everything."

"Okay. You're welcome, I guess." I could tell he was confused, but I'll never be able to thank him enough. He kissed the top of my head. "Try to go back to sleep."

That was the last thing I remember before I woke up to the smell of pancakes and bacon. Getting up slowly, I decided to let Alex sleep and made my way into the kitchen where I found Rian making food. "Morning," I mumbled, rubbing at my eyes and sitting on a bar stool.

"Hey," Rian replied, putting a plate of pancakes with two pieces of bacon on it in front of me.

"Thank you," I said, picking up my fork.

He mumbled a response and I ate in silence, finishing when Alex walked into the kitchen. He rubbed at his eyes and sat next to me as Rian handed him food.

Alex looked at the plate then up at Rian, smiling gratefully. "I love you."

Rian rolled his eyes, but laughed and started eating, too, sitting across from us. "So, what's the agenda for today, bro?"

"We be lazy."

"Good plan," I agreed.

"Until band rehearsals, at least," Alex continued. "Then we come home and be lazy again."

As the day went on, Jack came over, Zack came back from California, and Alex and I were currently playing Super Smash Brothers.

Hardcore, I know.

"I'm gonna steal the controller from you," Alex threatened me.

"Wouldn't be the first time." I smirked.

"Spencer, you're gonna win," he whined.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I whined back, sarcastically.

"You should be." I was about to kill him on the game, so he paused it and stole the controller from me. "No."

"What? That's not fair." I tried to reach over him and grab the controller, but he wouldn't let me.

"No."

"Yes."

"No." He pushed on both of my arms a little until I was pinned down on the couch with him on top of me.

"What's this supposed to do?" I asked.

"Let me kiss you." And he did so, but I pulled back first.

"More like distract me."

"Hey, that works, too." He kissed me again, but we separated when I heard footsteps.

"DOG PILE!" Jack yelled before jumping on top of Alex.

"Oh, shit," I said as Alex chuckled. I looked at Alex, who smirked at me. "This is weird, and hurting my boobs."

"Oh, shit," Alex laughed. "Jack, get off. We can't have this." Jack got off of Alex, Alex sat up, I sat up, and Jack sat down on the other side of Alex. "Want me to kiss it to make it better?" Alex winked.

I blinked at him then shook my head.

"Rejected!" Jack said.

"Shut up," Alex said.

"De-nied."

"Jack."

"Access denied."

"Seriously?"

"You are the weakest link. Goodbye," Jack said in the same accent the game show host had.

"What?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You are no longer in the running to becoming America's Next Top Model," Jack said in a really good imitation of Tyra Banks, making me giggle.

"How many ways can you say I can't have sex with Spencer?" Alex asked bluntly.

"I could go on," Jack said.

"Please, do. I'm interested."

This was when the doorbell rang. I got up and was walking to the door, but the person at the door knocked loudly. Alex got up, too, and followed me to the door, standing behind me as I opened it.

On the other side was Ashley, breathing hard, a panicked look on her face that was mixed with worry. "Ashley?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "Why are you-"

"I'm pregnant," she blurted.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: When It's Hurting Bad, It Only Gets Worse**

**Spencer's POV**

My jaw dropped a little, and I looked up at Alex to see his eyes were the size of softballs. Ashley sighed and put her face in her hands, only for a second.

"I'm-I-uh," Alex stuttered, "I-I-um..." He shook his head, trying to compose his thoughts.

"Maybe you should come in," I finally said, letting Ashley come inside.

She nodded, stepping into the house and into the living room. She just sat on the couch with her head in her hands, and I shut the door. I didn't really know what to do, and when I saw Alex's shocked expression, all I managed was a half smile at him. I walked into the living room, grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him up from the couch, then dragged him back to Alex's room.

"What happened? Why's Ashley here?" he asked once I shut door.

I sat on the bed and shrugged at him. "She's pregnant."

Jack cocked his head to the side, eyebrows squished together. "No, really, what happened?"

I shrugged again. "She said she's pregnant."

Jack's eyes widened and he sat next to me. "Whoa."

"Yeah."

After a couple minutes of sitting in silence and just staring at the floor, there was a knock on the door and Rian slowly opened it. "Hey, why's Ashley here?" He gave me and Jack confused looks before asking, "And what's wrong?"

"Ashley said she's pregnant," Jack said.

Rian's eyes widened. "What the fuck? How?"

I smirked. "Well, Rian-"

He rolled his eyes. "I mean, I know how, but, like, _how_?" He shook his head. "I don't know what I'm saying anymore." He shut the door and leaned up against it, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "So, now what?"

Jack and I both shrugged. "I guess we wait," Jack said.

**XXXX**

Two hours later, Ashley finally left, Jack and Rian went to play video games, and Alex came to talk to me.

He opened the door to his room and walked in, shutting the door behind him. He sighed and sat next to me. "Well," he started, "she's pregnant." I blinked, not sure how to reply, and he added, "Spencer, please say something," taking my hands in his.

I just searched his eyes, still not sure how to respond. Alex's hands tightened around my own and his expression turned more worried. "Spencer, please?" he whispered.

"Um..." was all I could will myself to say. I blinked and cleared my throat. "Are you sure it's, uh...your's?"

Well, that's something I never thought I'd ask my boyfriend.

Alex shrugged. "She said it was, and even counted back while she was here. Unless she cheated on me and is just not saying it, the kid's mine."

And then I suddenly became, not only jealous, but pissed off. I couldn't help but feel like that should be my kid, that I should be the pregnant one.

I sighed. "How far along is she?"

"A month," Alex finally said. He read my expression like a book when he said, "You're mad."

"Just a little," I said sarcastically. "How could you be so careless?" I asked, my voice rising and pulling my hands from his.

"It's not like I did it on purpose, Spencer," he defended, his voice going up in volume, too. "I used a condom, I'm not stupid, but apparently those don't always work."

"I never said you were stupid," I said quietly, not meeting his gaze.

He lifted my chin with his hand, making me look at him. "We'll figure out a way to make this work."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I am not losing you again," he said sternly. "I won't let either of us go through that heartache again." He kissed my forehead.

I wrapped my arms around him, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"It's okay. I would be pissed, too, if I was you," he replied as he hugged me back.

"Why aren't you upset?" I asked.

Alex shrugged a bit. "Because it's my kid. I can't be pissed that I got a girl pregnant because it's partly my fault."

I hugged him tighter, not willing myself to say anymore except, "I love you."

"I love you, too. I always will. Nothing will change that."

Why did it feel like this was a final goodbye?

_**One Month Later**_

I sighed to myself before jumping out of the bunk Alex and I shared. I went into the back lounge, where Jack was on his laptop. "Hey," I said, sitting next to him.

Ashley came on tour with us because Alex didn't want to leave her alone at home. She throws up every food, but isn't craving anything. Plus, she's hormonal, and a whiner. She may be pregnant, but she's getting on everyone's nerves.

"What's up?" Jack asked, glancing up from his Facebook at me, but looking back at his computer.

"Not a whole lot," I said.

We're in between cities right now. Normally, I could be spending time with Alex, but Ashley's been keeping him pretty busy. She even tried to make him sleep in the same bunk as her. I just hate to see what she's like when she gets farther along. In case you couldn't tell, jealousy has been like glue to me lately.

Please excuse my bluntness.

"Alexxx!" I heard Ashley whine from the front lounge. Jack and I both rolled our eyes, me crossing my arms.

"That should be you," he said.

"What?" I asked, looking at him.

"I mean, you should be the pregnant one," Jack explained. "Between you and me, I think she's faking," he whispered.

"Why?" I asked, just as quiet.

"She's not craving anything, she doesn't even have a tiny bump yet, she complains every food smells disgusting to her...and let's be real here, there's got to be something she can eat." He shook his head. "I just don't buy it."

"But, Jack, she's only two months."

"I just have a feeling she's faking it. Like, a strong one."

"I don't really think there's anyway to know. For now, at least."

"Yup."

"And that's kinda heartless don't you think? And extremely fucked up."

"Oh, yeah."

"I don't think it's Alex's," I finally confessed. I had been holding that thought in this whole time since the day Ashley came to Alex and Rian's house.

"Why not?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Alex did say she cheated on him a lot, and I just don't think it's his."

"You have no idea how many times she cheated on him."

"Then why did he keep going back to her?"

"Are you kidding me, Spencer?" He rolled his eyes. Am I missing something here? "He was looking for another you, duh. Well, that, or he was hoping it'd get you jealous. But I say the first one."

I didn't reply, so he continued. "I don't know why he kept taking her back, or why she even kept going back to him, but I can tell you the whole time he was with her, he wished it was you." Jack looked me dead in the eyes. "Spencer, that," he pointed out the door, referring to Ashley, "should be you."

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in the crook of his neck, mainly because I didn't know what else to do. He moved his laptop to the small table next to him and pulled me onto his lap. "I'm so sorry," he said.

Not knowing what to say again, I just squeezed my eyes shut and wished this whole thing was just a dream.

_**Two Days Later**_

"We get to go to a hotel and sleep in a bed. A real bed." Alex smiled and laid down with his head in my lap. We were in the back lounge. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in a while," he said, poking my stomach.

I ran my fingers through his hair, smiling at him. "Because we really haven't talked in a while. You've been a little busy."

He smirked, sitting up. He kissed my cheek and wrapped an arm around me. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I understand."

He leaned in and whispered, "I wish it was you instead of her," in my ear before kissing my neck.

I shivered a bit, and for some reason blushed a little. "Alex, not right now," I pushed him away from me gently.

"Aww." He pouted. He was about to say something else, but Ashley walked into the back lounge. "Alex, Jack needs your help." She smiled slightly.

"Oh. Okay." Alex got up and made his way into the front lounge, calling out, "What'cha need, Barakat?"

Ashley stood there for a second, but before she could turn around, I asked, "Are you showing yet?"

She shook her head, lifting up her shirt so I could see her still flat stomach. "Nope."

"Shouldn't you be? I mean, it has been about two months."

She shrugged, pulling her shirt back down. "I don't know. I don't think you start showing until about four months."

"Hmm," was my only response. Ashley walked away and I couldn't help but feel my suspicions growing. Alex came back and stood in front of me, snapping me out of my thoughts when he grabbed my hand.

"What's got you all spaced out?" he asked.

I shrugged, looking up at him. "Just daydreaming," I lied.

"Oh." He sat next to me before laying his head on my shoulder. "Olive you." He smiled.

I giggled. "Love you, too."

Alex lifted his head and slid an arm around my waist. "I feel like I should say I miss you. We haven't held a conversation longer than three sentences in so long."

I smirked. "So, what do you wanna talk about then?"

He shrugged. "I dunno."

"Hey, guys! We're at the hotel!" Matt called into the back lounge.

Fifteen minutes later, Alex closed the door to the hotel room we shared just before kissing me. I giggled against his lips and fell back onto the bed, but everything stopped when there was a knock on the door and Ashley said, "Alex, I need to talk to you."

Alex sighed and kissed me again before standing up. I sat up and he said, "I'll be back in a little bit, promise," before walking out of the room.

I crossed my arms and shook my head to myself, tears coming to my eyes, once the door closed behind him. Something just clicked in my head, and I knew it was the truth. Because of this, I could almost hear my heart breaking.

Let's be real here, if Ashley really is pregnant, I'd lose Alex forever.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20: It's Not The First Time, But This One Really Carved It In**

**Spencer's POV**

I bit my lip before getting up from the bed and walking out of the hotel room. I made my way to the room Jack had alone and knocked. "Jack?" I asked.

A second later, he opened the door. "Hey," Jack said, half smiling.

"Hi," I returned the smile and he let me walk into the room. He closed the door as I sat down on the bed with my legs crossed.

Jack was looking at me like he already knew my thoughts and I squirmed under his gaze. "Will you stop that?" I asked, not meeting his eyes.

I heard him scoff and he sat next to me. "Are you okay, Spencer?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore." He wrapped an arm around me, shifting me closer to him. "I, uh-" I rubbed at my eyes. "I think I'm gonna go home."

He wasn't saying anything, so I looked up at him. "Why?" he asked.

"Jack, if Ashley's really pregnant, I'm not going to be able to stay with Alex." That's when the realization of it really sank in. These last days have more than likely been the last few with him.

Jack shook his head. "Spence, it's you and Alex. You'll be able to make it work." As he said that, I could tell even he didn't believe it. I just blinked back tears and Jack rested his chin on his hands, shifting his gaze back to the door. "Wow. I just..."

"It's weird," I said.

"So, it's really over between you guys?" Jack asked.

"I guess it's gonna have to be." I tried to swallow the lump forming in my throat, but it didn't work and a tear fell from my eye.

Jack kissed it away, hugging me. "I'm so sorry."

I just hugged him back, crying into his shoulder a little. "Jack, I just got him back," I whispered.

"I know." He was rubbing my back.

I cried some more, but eventually pulled back from him and wiped my eyes. "Can I stay in here tonight?"

He nodded. "Of course. Are you still gonna go home?"

"Probably."

"Please, please, stay safe."

"Believe me, I'll try." He smiled and I wiped my eyes again. "I'm gonna go walk around a bit and get some stuff," I said, standing up. "I'll see you later."

No less than five minutes later, I was back in the room Alex and I were going to share. Alex was sitting on the bed and he looked up from his phone when I shut the door. "Hey." He smiled, but it quickly disappeared when he saw my puffy eyes. "Spencer, what happened?"

I took a deep breath and thought, might as well get this over with. "I think I should go home."

Alex blinked, shocked. "Why? You don't need to. I know we haven't spent a lot of-"

"Alex, she's pregnant," I said, cutting him off.

"I know, but-"

"Be honest, you know we can't be together when she has the baby."

His eyes dropped to the floor and he sighed, but looked back up at me. "But, Spencer, we can..."

I shook my head, making him trail off. "I'm going home, Alex."

"Spencer, please, you don't have to." He stood up and took my hands in his. "We can find a way."

I shook my head, tears coming to my eyes. "But, how?"

"I don't...I don't know." He dropped my hands just to wrap me in a hug. "Please don't go."

I hugged him back. "Please don't make this harder than it needs to be," I said quietly, but almost pleading.

"It doesn't have to be this difficult, Spencer."

"But it is, Alex! She's still pregnant, and you're not going to abandon her, nor will I let you."

He nodded, pulled back from me, and swallowed hard, then looked at the floor again. I took his face in my hands, kissing him for probably the last time. Alex must've realized that, too, because he kissed back so passionately, I'm surprised it didn't hurt my lips. "I love you," he said when we finally parted, looking directly in my eyes.

"I love you, too," I replied. I looked down and wiped my eyes before getting my suitcase and the few things I had taken out of it. Alex just watched, looking at me with an expression I couldn't read. He hugged me again before I left the room completely and made my way back to Jack's.

Okay, officially the hardest thing I've ever done.

I smirked to myself sadly.

That's what she said.

I walked back into Jack's room where I found him sitting on the bed and watching TV. I sat next to him after I put my suitcase next to his. He smiled slightly and pulled me to him. "You okay?"

I just shrugged, afraid of what I'd say if I talked. I felt more tears in my eyes, so I just buried my face in his chest. He moved me into his lap and kissed the top of my head, letting my cry. "Spencer, it'll all work out," he whispered.

I shook my head a bit, wrapping my arms around him. "You don't know that."

He sighed and rubbed my arm. "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."

"Why does it have to hurt this much?"

Jack didn't answer, just held me tighter. A few minutes and more tears later, I looked up. He was looking at me with worried eyes. I don't know what ran through my brain, but I do know that I kissed him. He gasped, but kissed me back and, after a few minutes, laid me down on the bed. I didn't stop or protest as the kisses got faster and rougher, and I didn't stop when things went further. In fact, it didn't really sink in until we were done.

"Spencer?"

I looked over at Jack, who was staring at the ceiling. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "For what?"

"Sleeping with you."

I scooted closer to him, wrapping an arm around him and laying my head on his chest. "Don't be." He didn't say anything, so I looked up to see he was blinking, almost like he was in a daze. "You okay?"

"Mmhmm," he hummed, still seeming like he was dazed.

Obviously, the difference between now and the last time is that we are both sober. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, relaxing against Jack. He snaked his arm around me. I didn't regret this, but I did feel like a jackass for being happy about it, mainly because I had just broken up with Alex not even an hour ago.

I moved up a bit and buried my face in the crook of his neck. "Spencer?" Jack said.

"Hmm?" was my only response.

"Why?"

"Why, what?"

"Spencer, why are we...here? Why did we do this?"

Because you've always been my life saver, and I can't have Alex, so I want you.

^Bella, Edward, and Jacob love triangle.

"I don't know," is the only thing I said.

"Are you really going home tomorrow?"

I nodded a bit. "Yup."

"So, then, what did this mean?"

Of course, he was talking about what had just happened. And, since I didn't know the answer to that, I put the ball in his court. "What does it mean to you?"

He waited before answering, hesitating. "You wanna know what I honestly think?"

"Yes."

"I think that I'm gonna love you forever, you'll kiss me, or something, every so often. But you'll always love Alex. If Ashley really is pregnant, you'll keep coming back to me. If Ashley isn't pregnant, you and Alex will get back together, but you'll come back to me once in a while. Something will happen between us, you'll tell Alex, Alex will get mad-but only for a short amount of time-and then the process will repeat itself."

I tried to say something, but he shook his head. "Let me finish." I nodded and he continued. "I don't really know what to think right now because my mind is still a little blown that I even slept with you in the first place. I do believe that you were thinking of Alex the entire time, or that I was awful. But the entire time I was thinking, 'Holy fucking shit, this is Spencer.' And the fact that we are both sober confuses me."

"I wasn't thinking either of those things," I said honestly. "Why are you confused?"

He smirked. "Because we were both thinking clearly and had total control of what we were doing. But you were still okay with it." He glanced at me, but shifted his gaze back to the ceiling. "I also think that all you're doing is getting my hopes up, but I'm okay with that because, let's be honest, I'm wrapped around your finger." As he said that, he started playing with my hand and smiling slightly.

"Why are you okay with that?" I asked.

"Because being with you is the closest thing I've ever had to magic."

The rest of the night was spent having a deep conversation. A heart to heart, I guess. We now had pajamas on and were sitting across from each other, legs crossed, on the floor in front of the bed. The conversation went as far back as middle school, and as far forward as today.

"You are absolutely gorgeous, you know that?" Jack said. I blinked, hoping I wasn't blushing. "Stop blushing. I'm serious."

I whimpered and hid my face, but eventually looked up. "Thanks, Jack." I smiled. He smirked and, since we agreed no restrictions on what we had to say, I asked, "How did Alex meet Ashley?"

"They met at a club, I think, about a month before they started dating." I nodded and he asked, "Okay, we're not holding back questions, right?"

"That's what we agreed on," I replied.

"Okay, so I have a personal question."

"Ooo, surprise, surprise." I smirked. Jack stuck his tongue out at me. "Don't stick it out unless you're gonna use it." I crossed my arms.

"Does that count for my-"

"No."

"Damn it." I shook my head, smiling a bit. He asked, "Did Drew ever, like, try to rape you, or something?"

"Thank God, no," I said. "But...there was a few times I felt like I had to," I admitted, slightly ashamed.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't wanna get beat up."

"And that was worth it?"

"Remember how bad it was when you picked me up from the airport?" He nodded. "If I didn't sleep with him, it would've been twice that."

Jack's eyes flashed with worry. "What was the worst thing he ever did to you?"

"Broke four ribs at once."

"Story, please." So I told him the story of when Drew just kicked me that hard, more than once. But that was only the most damage he caused in one hit. "Ouch."

I nodded. "And this scar," I pulled up my shirt to show the two-inch scar on my stomach, just above my belly button. "was from when he broke a mirror and a shard hit me." Jack started to scoot over to me, but I stopped him. "Please, don't feel sorry for me, just this once."

He looked surprised, but nodded and crossed his legs again. "This is a deep moment right here."

"Oh, yeah." I nodded. "But it's safe to say that after I did sleep with him, I felt disgusted with myself and just wanted to wash myself raw," I said, looking down at the floor. "I hated it."

"But you did it to keep yourself...well, alive?"

"Yup."

For the record, I didn't feel like at all right now. It was almost the opposite, but only almost because he wasn't Alex. And I couldn't help but compare him to Alex, and that made me feel even more like a jackass.

We talked some more and then fell asleep. But since I had a plane to catch in the morning, I was waking Jack up at seven. I had gotten ready and he was going to drive me to the airport, despite my protests of wanting to get there alive. As we walked out of the room, much to my surprise, I saw Alex walking from Ashley's room back to his stared at me, glancing at my hand that was being held by Jack's. Jack dropped my hand and nudged me forward a bit. I looked at him before walking over to Alex, ignoring the tugging at my gut, and heart, that told me no. "Hi," he said, smiling a little.

"Hey." I half smiled.

He brought me into his arms, hugging me tightly. I just hugged him back, knowing I'll miss this. "Please stay safe, Spencer," he whispered, kissing my cheek.

"I'll try, I promise."

"Close your eyes," he said.

"Why?"

"It means more with your eyes closed. Close your eyes."

I let my eyes fall shut, taking in the feeling. "I love you," I whispered, tears coming to my eyes.

"I love you, too." He let me go first and I saw his eyes were red with tears. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head then shrugged. "Shit happens."

He smirked then pecked my forehead. "Be careful."

I nodded and Jack walked up. "Good luck, Alex."

Walking with Jack, I went over to the elevators. When we were almost there, I thought, _if I look back, and he's watching me, everything will be okay._

I took a deep breath and looked back to see him watching me, making me wave a bit. He returned it and I looked forward, smiling just a little as slight relief washed through me.

But now what do I do?


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21: I Could Kid Myself Thinking That I'm Fine**

**Spencer's POV**

Jack is better for me.

The saddest part about that sentence is that I knew it was true, but I still wanted Alex. The saddest part about that is Alex currently has a pregnant ex-girlfriend and a hopeless in love ex-girlfriend who happens to have slept with his best friend. The saddest part about that is the ex-girlfriend that slept with his best friend is me. The saddest part about that is I may or may not want his best friend more.

I'm so confused, it's not even funny.

But on the plus side of things, the guys were coming home today. I was currently sitting on the couch at Jack's house because I was still living here. I stayed with my parents for a while in New York, slightly terrified for my life unless I went outside with someone other than myself. I never saw Drew once, though.

I was shaken from my thoughts when a pair of skinny jean covered legs appeared in front of me. My eyes trailed up until I saw Jack smiling down at me. "Jack!" I stood up and hugged him.

"You're not allowed to go home on tour ever again, 'kay?" he said, hugging me back. "I was bored."

"I was, too." I let him go then bit my lip before asking, "How's Alex?"

Jack shrugged. "Busy." I smirked and looked down. "Hey," Jack pushed my chin up with his hand and made me look at him, "do you wanna go see him, or something?"

I shook my head. "I'll only start crying."

He frowned and wrapped me in a hug again. "I'm sorry."

I shook my head again, hugging him back. "It's not your fault."

So, I'll be honest, that's not the only thing I was upset about, mainly because I couldn't figure out who the hell I wanted. I buried my face in Jack's chest, ignoring the thought that I wanted to kiss him when he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

We stayed like that for a while, but then Rian came over, so we all left to go out to eat. "So, Spence, what have you been doing?" Rian asked me from the driver's seat. I was in the back, Jack in the passenger's seat.

"Not a lot. I stayed with my parents for a while," I replied.

"What?" Jack and Rian said together. Jack looked back at me, but Rian glanced at me in the rearview mirror.

"Nothing happened. I didn't see Drew anywhere," I said, knowing that's what they were concerned about.

"Oh." Jack looked back ahead.

"So, Rian, how's Cassadee?"

He smirked and the conversation took a hard left, which I was grateful for. I hated talking about Drew because all it did was piss me off and make me feel like an idiot for putting up with him for so long.

Jack and Rian started talking and I crossed my arms, leaning my head against the head rest of the seat I was in. I spaced out in my own thoughts, chewing on my lip and trying to figure what the fuck I wanted to do. I didn't notice we were at the restaurant until Jack was waving his hand in front of my face.

"Spence, hello! Hey, Spencer!" he sang. I blinked and gave him my full attention. "If you want food, you should come with us." He smirked.

I nodded and unbuckled the seat belt before climbing out of the car. Shutting the door, I followed Rian and Jack into the restaurant. "So, how's life in Spencer's world?" Rian asked, nudging me with his elbow as I sat next to him, Jack across from him, at the table we were given by the hostess.

I smirked and shrugged. "Same old, same old."

"Gosh, Spencer, you live an awfully boring life without us!" Jack teased.

I giggled and Rian chuckled. "He does make a point," Rian said, pointing at Jack. Jack grinned and I stuck my tongue out at Rian. "That's mature."

"I try," I said, smirking. "So, where's Zack?" I asked.

Rian and Jack didn't answer right away because our waitress came over and asked what we wanted to drink. When she walked away, Jack said, "He went to his parents house."

"Oh, that's cool," I replied.

We started looking at our menus and I decided quickly, but kept looking at the menu as I thought. I wondered if the rest of the band knew what happened the night I left the tour and if they thought of me differently. I also wondered if Alex knew and if he was mad at me for it. That also made me wonder what Jack thought about it, and if he was just as confused as me. And then I suddenly felt awkward because if Rian did know, that meant he either thought I was a whore or was confused about who I wanted, too.

Jesus Christ, this is just a vicious circle. It spins and feeds on itself, and never ends because there is always something to bring about another problem.

I yawned and closed my menu then, unexpectedly feeling the need to move around. I excused myself and went to the bathroom, feeling even more confused at my thoughts. Maybe I should just cut off all means of communication with all of them and start over. And, believe me, this isn't the first time I've thought about that, which made it almost worth doing.

In the bathroom, all I did was wash my hands and just stare at my reflection in the mirror. I was disgusted with myself, but somehow pleased. I felt like a whore-hell, I was a whore-but I had no regrets about anything. And that pissed me off more than I can put into words. As I made my way back to the table in the crowded restaurant, it was like I had an epiphany that made me feel like I was questioning all that was wrong in the world.

Obviously, the only question that's left is who's heart did I want to break? But if I was really irrevocably, unconditionally, undeniably, absolutely in love with Alex, I don't think I would love Jack this much.

_**Late That Night**_

"Spencer. Spence, wake up."

I breathed in deeply and rolled over, coming face to face with Jack, who was sitting on my bed. He had on an expression that I couldn't place, but it showed worry, which woke me up pretty damn easily. "What's up?" I asked, sitting up and letting the covers collect over my lap. I rubbed at me eyes that didn't need adjusting thanks to Jack not turning on the lights.

"It's Alex. He's here. I don't know what happened because he won't tell me, but something's really wrong because he looks like he's been crying. I tired to get him to talk, but he wouldn't say anything. All he did was hug me." I furrowed my eyebrows together and he continued, "He needs you."

"Okay." I got out of bed and followed Jack back to the living room. Alex was sitting on the couch, his face in his hands. I looked at Jack, who shrugged and went into the kitchen. I went into the living room and crouched down in front Alex, curling my hands around his wrists.

He lifted his head and I gasped quietly at his reddened eyes that were still wet from tears. "Spencer," he whispered.

I didn't say anything. Alex moved to the floor next to me and wrapped his arms around me, like he was clinging to me. I just hugged him back, letting him cry into my shoulder and not bothering to ask what was wrong because I knew he'd tell me eventually.

"Spencer, she's...she..." he trailed off with a sob when I just rubbed his arm and said, "Shh."

He cried for a while, Jack went to his room, and I stayed with Alex until the sun started coming up. He wiped his eyes and moved away from me just to stare at the floor. "Alex," I took his hand, "what happened?"

Alex laced his fingers through mine and looked over at me. "Spencer, she had a miscarriage."


	22. Chapter 22

**Important (Sort of, not really) Author's Note-**

**So I don't know if you noticed, but three of my stories got deleted by the website. I'm guessing it was because they got reported a while ago, but I don't know, because that was two years ago. As a result, I was kicked off of the website for a while. I'll be putting two of the three back up, mainly because those two were prequels to other stories I'm working on now. I'll try to put both up this weekend, but I'll probably only get to one. So be prepared for at least twenty spam e-mails lol**

**Thank you for reviewing those stories and sticking with me this far, though. It really does mean a lot. : )**

**-Kelsey**

**Chapter 22: When the Walls Cave In, We Only Have Ourselves to Blame**

**Spencer's POV**

All I did was widen my eyes in shock. Alex swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. "It was right after we came home from tour," he said just above a whisper. "It was...bloody, and I just..." He shook his head, squinting his eyes closed, and putting his face in his hands. "It was absolutely terrifying."

I didn't know what to say. What the hell are you supposed to say to that? 'I'm sorry for your loss'? That's a bullshit phrase right there. But I did know that I could do one thing and that was try to get him to relax a little. It killed me to see him this way. This pained, saddened; it was just awful.

"Come here." I put an arm around him in a half hug. He moved closer to me, resting his head on my shoulder and closing me in a hug again. I was rubbing his arm up and down, trying to soothe him in that sort of way.

"That was my kid, Spencer," Alex said. "He or she won't even be able to have a chance at life."

"Do they know why she had one?" I asked him.

Alex shrugged. "The doctor said they weren't exactly not common. They don't really have a source. I guess it was just one of those weird things that happens."

"Alex, I'm so sorry," I whispered, laying my head on his.

It was silent after that for a good twenty minutes. I still had no clue what to say, and probably never would know. We stayed like that until I finally asked, "Have you been up all night?"

Alex nodded. "Yup."

"Do you wanna go to sleep?"

"Kinda..." He looked up at me. "Can I stay here?"

"Of course." I nodded. "You can take my bed," I suggested.

He nodded and got up slowly. I followed after him, but went to Jack's room. Quietly, I opened the door to see he was asleep, laying down on his bed on his stomach. I stole some sweatpants from him for Alex, shut the door slowly and softly as I left, and made my way back to my room. Alex was sitting at the end of my bed, rubbing at his eyes with his jacket resting over his lap.

"Here," I said, holding the pants out to him. I shrugged at the confused look he gave me. "They're Jack's."

He mouthed an O. I went over to the door and had my hand on the doorknob. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll be on the couch." The door was cracked, my hand still on the knob, when he stopped me.

"Spencer, will you stay with me, please?" I looked back at him and, even though it was dark and you couldn't see much, I could still see his pained expression that now showed some pleading. Even his voice sounded dark and saddened. "I don't-I don't want to be alone."

I hesitated, but nodded and closed the door. Alex changed his pants first, then crawled into my bed and laid on his side. I got under the covers and laid on my side, too, facing him. Alex sighed and half smiled at me, but it didn't have a whole lot of emotion with it. "Thank you." I nodded again and he scooted over to me, wrapping an arm around my waist. I leaned against his chest, almost as an impulse. "I thought I lost you, too," he whispered.

I shook my head a little. "You haven't. But is Ashley...okay?"

"She's been crying a lot, and has to take some sort of pills, but she should be."

And, me, thinking she was faking the pregnancy the entire time, started to feel like the biggest bitch in the world. But I couldn't think about that right now. "Are you gonna be okay?" I asked him, poking his stomach lightly.

He sighed, closing his eyes. "Eventually. Right now I just wanna stay here with you."

I furrowed my eyebrows, confused more so at my own emotions, but also because I couldn't figure out what he meant either. Because, despite what either of us wanted, right now we weren't together. I couldn't figure out if I was happy that he wanted to stay with me, or if I should say something asking what he meant. Guessing I couldn't really figure out the first without the second one, I asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, I-" he cleared his throat. "I just missed you is all."

There was more to that, I could tell, but I wasn't going to let that bother me right now either. So, all I did was sigh and close my eyes, falling asleep next to him.

**XXXX**

The next day, I was at Alex and Rian's house with Jack and Zack here, too. Alex and Ashley were talking in the living room, but Rian, Jack, Zack, and I were playing video games in Rian's room to let them talk. It's been a half hour since she got here and I figured they would be done by now, so I went into the kitchen to get me something to drink.

When I got in there, I heard Alex and Ashley talking quietly. I wasn't going to listen, but I was really curious and nosy, so I hid around the corner to listen and watch. They were sitting next to each other on the couch.

"Are you, like, in pain, or anything?" Alex asked.

"It's just, like, cramps. Nothing different," Ashley replied.

"Are you...okay?" Alex asked, hesitating.

Ashley sighed and it took a while before she answered. "I will be, I hope. I mean, I'm sad, of course, and I feel like it's my fault, but I can't control it."

"It's not your fault," Alex said, putting his hand over hers. "You didn't do anything to hurt the baby, so it was out of your control."

"But it was inside my body," she said. "My body rejected it."

He shook his head, but didn't say anything. I'll be honest, I was kind of on her side. Granted, I've never been pregnant, but I could see what she meant when she said her body rejected the baby.

Another couple of minutes passed and I knew the other guys would start to wonder where I was and come find me, resulting in either me getting caught, Jack making too much noise and interrupting them, or both. But Ashley finally said, "So, what do we do now?"

Alex shrugged, looking at the floor. "I'm not sure."

"What does it mean for...us?" Ashley asked, her voice small and sounding

strangely childlike.

"Well, I dunno," Alex said. "There's not really a reason for us to be together anymore...is there?"

Ashley bit her lip then shook her head. "No. Not anymore."

Alex nodded. "That's what I thought."

"So," Ashley started. "I guess we're done here?"

"I guess we are."

No more words were said and they were getting up. Thinking quickly, I ducked down behind the counter in the kitchen, but still watched them. The two of them were now over by the door. Ashley put on her jacket, Alex opened the door, and Ashley walked out. She turned around before Alex got the door shut and sighed. "Bye, Alex."

"Bye, Ashley." He shut the door and I watched as he walked down another hallway, turned a corner, and went down the stairs towards the basement, probably to try to write a little.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped, squealed, and looked at Jack. "Um...hey," I said awkwardly and stood up.

"Hi...what were you doing?" He squished his eyebrows together, confused.

I sighed, deciding to be honest. "Spying."

"Need some Mission Impossible music?" He smirked and leaned up against the counter next to us. "Spying on who?"

"Alex and Ashley," I replied.

That made Jack interested, I could tell, because he perked up. "What were they saying?"

"Alex asked her if she was okay, she said she feels like it was her fault, they decided they didn't have any more reasons to be together because she wasn't pregnant anymore, she left, and then Alex went downstairs." I shrugged up at Jack.

"So, you guys can be together now?" Jack asked. "Well, obviously you can, but are you getting back together?"

I swallowed hard, finally admitting something to him. "I don't know if I want to," I mumbled, looking down at my feet.

"What?" Jack lifted my chin with his hand so I would look at him. "Are you crazy?"

"Probably," I sighed.

"Why don't you want to be with him anymore?"

"I said I didn't know if I did or not, Jack," I corrected.

"Yeah, but why?" he pressed.

I shook my head, not wanting to tell him now. "Just forget I said anything. I don't want to talk about this now." I walked around him, making my way back to Rian's room, but he caught my elbow and that turned me back around.

"I do. Spencer, what changed?"

"The night I left the tour." I pulled my arm from his, which wasn't that hard to do because what I said had shocked him. I grabbed my jacket from the back of the couch it was hanging over and walked out the front door. As soon as I got outside, I slipped my jacket on and decided I'd just walk home considering Jack was my ride here.

"Spencer, wait!" I heard Jack shout after me, followed by the front door slamming shut. I didn't turn around, just kept walking down the driveway. "Spencer!" His fingers clasped over my arm, turning me around to face him. "What do you mean? How did that change everything?"

"Because I'm in love with you, damn it!" I yelled, throwing my hands down at my sides. "I've been in love with you!"

"Yeah, you told me that, but-"

"Jack, I don't know if I want to go back to Alex because my feelings for you are in the way. I'm starting to think I love you more and I can't stand seeing you so upset when I'm with Alex because you love me, too! I love you and Alex and it fucking sucks because I'm so damn confused, it's tearing me apart! You said yourself that I would always go back to you once in a while, but I would always love Alex. It's because I love both of you and can't decide who I want! And, that's so fucking true, it scares the fucking crap out of me!" Tears were pouring from my eyes now and I was yelling almost out of desperation. I needed him to understand so, so much for some damn reason that I can't think of.

Jack didn't say anything. I watched his Adam's apple move up and down with a swallow and he opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out, just a sigh."Maybe this happened for a reason," I said, talking quietly now. "Maybe I'm not supposed to be with Alex. I don't know." I shook my head and looked up at him. "But I do know that sleeping with you changed everything and I don't know what I want anymore. And, honestly, I'm leaning towards you."

Before I could really comprehend what was happening, he took my face in his hands and kissed me. I was stunned, but kissed him back with pretty much all that I had in me, and for him it was the same. When we broke apart we were both out of breath. "Why did you do that?" I breathed, searching his eyes and closing my fingers over his wrists of the hands that were still holding my face.

"Because he's in love with you, Spencer." Jack and I both looked at the front door to see Alex, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. "The same reason I kiss you. Because we're both in love with you."

Jack let go of my face, which caused me to let go of his wrists. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and was looking at the ground, chewing his lip. I looked at Alex and said the only thing I could think of. "How much of that did you see?"

"Enough to know that you love Jack more than me," he said with pain evident in his voice.

"I never said that." New tears formed in my eyes, plus a voice crack came with 'that'. I only started crying because I was starting to believe it was true.

"Let me ask you this," Alex started walking down the steps and didn't continue talking until he was standing directly in front of me, "if you love Jack so much, why did you stay with me?"

"Because I love you, too," I whispered.

"But you clearly loved him more."

"That's bullshit," I defended. "You're twisting my words around now. If it wasn't for Ashley getting pregnant-"

"Do not fucking blame Ashley, Spencer," he interrupted, shaking his head. "She has absolutely nothing to do with this."

"I wasn't going to blame Ashley. Let me finish," I snapped.

"Fine," Alex said stubbornly and crossing him arms over his chest.

"If it wasn't for Ashley getting pregnant, we wouldn't have broken up, right?" He nodded. "The night I left the tour I stayed in Jack's room."

"So, what? Things got heated and now you love him more than me?"

"I'm starting to think I always did." Alex looked at me like I just slapped him across the face and Jack's head snapped up to look at me. I couldn't help but notice his lips tugging at a smile. I continued before Alex said something else. "Even in high school before we started dating. I think it was always Jack, and I just never realized it," I admitted. "But then you came along and twisted everything around," I spat. "I spent months crying over you, wondering why in the hell you wouldn't talk to me anymore. Jack was there when you weren't." I pointed to him, resulting in Alex and Jack sharing a look. "So help me God for this, but I think it was Jack who I loved first. Which means, you were the second person. So you," I pushed his shoulders, causing him to stumble back a bit, "need to stop accusing me of shit that I can't fucking control."

"I never accused you of anything," Alex said quietly.

"You accused me of loving Jack more than you, and you accused me of loving him more while I was with you." I took a deep breath and looked between both of them as I said, "I'll always love both of you, but right now, it's fucking stupid to waist all of our time," I drew a circle in the air between us with my finger, "over me." I took another deep breath. "I think we all should just move on."

"Neither of us can move on without you, Spence," Jack finally spoke up. "I think that was pretty much proven when you were in New York, and," he shrugged, "well, for me it was proven when you started dating Alex."

"But if I choose to move on, you need to, also. And, right now, I'm choosing to move on."

"Spencer, just-"

I cut Alex off with a head shake. "No. I love you, both of you, but we obviously can't handle this." I didn't know what else to do except turn and walk away from them, leaving them stunned in the middle of the driveway, just watching me walk down the sidewalk. I wasn't really sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of here.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: Secret Love, Are You There?**

**Spencer's POV**

Walking away from them was an absolutely daring move considering it was eight at night, and I was walking home alone. The sun set quickly and I had forgotten my phone at the house before we went to Alex and Rian's earlier that day. I cursed myself at this point, but then got scared because I suddenly felt like someone was following me.

I shot a glance over my shoulder, but didn't see anything. I stopped completely and looked behind me. Nothing was there, so I started walking again. But then I heard footsteps once again. I ignored it and picked up my pace, but then I stopped yet again. This time, a voice I recognized but couldn't quite place, said, "Hello, Spencer." I turned around slowly, coming face to face with my worst nightmare, literally.

I gasped, my eyes widening. "Drew."

He grinned evilly and walked towards me. I tensed up as he walked in a circle around me. "I've been looking for you. Why did you run off without a goodbye?"

_Because you scare the crap out of me_, I thought, but only said, "What are you doing here?"

He stopped in front of me. "Trying to find you. I've got to admit, you're not the easiest person to track down. Especially since you left for a month shortly after getting here. Why didn't you tell me you knew the guys of All Time Low?"

I narrowed my eyes. "You've been stalking me."

"Not stalking, keeping watch." Ha, if that's what you want to call it. He caressed my cheek with his fingers and I flinched, fighting the urge to turn away from his touch. "I missed you."

"I didn't miss you," I mumbled.

"I know." He let his hand trail down my neck, over my shoulder, down my arm, and to my hand that he held. It gave me chills, and not a good kind. "But we have some unfinished business."

"What do you want from me?" I asked coldly. I was praying for someone to see and stop, but the neighborhood was eerily quiet.

"Don't get ahead of ourselves." He let his hand trail back up to my neck, leaving it there before he leaned down and started kissing the opposite side of my neck.

I fought a wince. This was nothing compared to Alex's touch and, frankly, I was nearly pissing myself. I curled my hands into fists. My tear stained eyes squinted closed and I scowled, more from disgust. His other hand slid under my shirt and was working it's way up, then it dawned on me.

_Drew was going to try to rape me._

"No!" I pushed him away, causing him to stumble back a few feet because he was taken by surprise. But I didn't stick around long enough to see what happened next. I took off running in the direction I came from, forcing my legs to take me back to Alex and Rian's.

_Luck, please be on my side this night._

I could hear his footsteps running after me, and I hoped that I had enough of a head start to at least get me back to the front of their driveway. And, thankfully, that's as far as I got. But then Drew wrapped his arms around my waist, stopping me. "Let me go!" I yelled. I kicked my feet at the air as he lifted me up.

"If you'd stop fighting, this could go a lot smoother," Drew said.

"Let go of me!" I elbowed him in the stomach.

"Spencer?" I heard my name off to my left, but didn't have the right mind to think of who it was.

Drew let me down and I lost my balance once my feet hit the ground. This caused me to almost face plant the cement, but I managed to stop that from happening. However, Drew rolled me over onto my back, now on his knees next to me. "Stop fighting it, Spencer."

"Would you just give it a rest?" I yelled at him, trying to stop his hands that were currently yanking off my jacket and shirt. I failed, though, because he got both off. I was thankful I had a camisole on underneath and then I heard my name again, plus footsteps coming this way.

Whoever it was pushed Drew off me. "Spencer." I finally saw it was Alex and was surprised he could push Drew off of me considering Drew has more muscles than Zack and is as tall as Jack. Alex helped me to my feet and I looked at Drew just in time to see him pull a gun on the both of us.

Both of our eyes widened and Alex pushed me behind him. I had my hands against his shoulders and could tell we were both breathing heavily. "That's fine. I'll just shoot you then her," Drew said with a smirk.

"Hold on," Alex started calmly. "No one has to shoot anybody."

"You stole her from me!" Drew yelled. "She left me for you!"

"You drove her away!" Alex said.

"Alex-" I whispered, but cut off when Drew took the safety off the gun.

"One shot," Drew said, slowly walking towards Alex, "one shot, and I'll blow your brains out." He had the gun pointed directly at Alex's head.

_No, no! _I wouldn't let him do this. I pushed Alex out of the way, earning a confused look from him because he lost his balance and fell to the ground. I, honestly, didn't think I pushed him that hard. "Look, it's me you want. Leave him out of it," I said.

"Spencer-"

"Be quiet, Alex." I walked over to Drew and grabbed his hand. I was hoping and praying Alex would recognize I was doing this to protect him and didn't really mean it. "I love Drew. He's right. Just go back inside."

Alex slowly stood up. "But, Spence-"

"Please, Alex," I pleaded, trying to tell him with my eyes I was doing this to save him.

Drew had yet to lower the gun at Alex. Alex nodded and was slowly walking backwards inside, making Drew lower the gun a little with each step. But then we heard sirens and they were coming closer. "What did you do?" Drew exclaimed at Alex, who shook his head furiously.

"Nothing, nothing! I didn't do anything!"

"Bullshit!"

"I didn't-"

"Freeze!" I didn't even notice the sirens get closer or the cop car stopping in front of Alex's house. Two cops had their guns drawn at Drew. I stepped away from Drew, standing with Alex to my right and Drew to my left. "Drop the weapon," one cop ordered. I was shocked that Drew complied. The other cop put him in handcuffs after making him get down on his knees. As they were putting him into the cop car and telling him his rights, I turned to Alex.

"Oh my gosh." I threw my arms around his neck and hid my face in between his neck and my arm. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you. Thank you so much."

He hugged my back, his arms around my waist. "Spencer, I am never letting you out of my sight again. You get into too much shit for a twenty-three year old person to handle." His arms tightened. "I love you, and I'm so glad you're okay."

"I love you, too." And with those words, I realized who I wanted more.

Alex and I separated and I asked, confused, "If you were out here, who called the police?"

As if on cue, Rian, Zack, and Jack all came out of the house. They all hugged me at once, encircling me. I got a lot of, "I'm glad your okay's," and the like. The police came back and were talking to Alex. I had asked who called the cops.

"It was me," Rian said. "Alex was on the porch and I went out to get him when I saw what was happening. I told the guys as I went to get my phone."

"I was ready to go outside and kick his ass," Zack said.

"But then he pulled out the gun and we didn't really know what to do," Jack added. "The 911 operator advised that we stayed in the house, so we did." He shrugged, but then exclaimed, "I'm never letting you be alone again!" and wrapped me in a hug, "Miss I-get-myself-almost-killed-every-time-I-leave-after-a-fight."

I giggled and hugged him back. "I'm sorry."

"It is not your fault." He let me out of the hug then took my chin and made me look at him. "And what's with you saying you love me more than Alex? You and I both know that is bullshit."

I laughed again and shrugged. "I was confused."

"Psh." He waved his hand at me. "And, Spencer," he started, more sincerely, "I'll get over you eventually, it's just taking a really long time. And it would help if you stopped kissing me," he chuckled.

I shrugged, smiling sheepishly. But I kissed his lips. "That's the last one."

"But, um, I didn't, uh, realize that would be the last one, so..." Rolling my eyes, I kissed him again, longer this time and letting him slide his tongue in my mouth. We both knew it would most likely be the last one, so I let him pull back first.

"You're too nice." Jack kissed my forehead and nodded his head in the direction of the two cops, who were behind me. "You should probably tell them your story. They're talking to Alex, Zack, and Rian."

I glanced behind me before nodding at Jack and walking over to the police. Thirty minutes later, they were leaving. One cop went to the car, the other was explaining to me that I would probably have a court date I'd need to attend to. I nodded, thanked them, and he went to the car. I watched them leave before picking up my dirt covered shirt and jacket then turning around to look at the guys. Rian, Jack, and Zack were nudging Alex forward and edging him on to do something.

"Alright, alright!" Alex whispered to them before walking over to me.

"Hi," I said, half smiling at him. I noticed the other three band members were watching us with smirks.

"Hey." Alex smiled. "You, uh...okay?" He scratched the back of his neck.

I nodded. "You pretty much saved my life, dude."

He smirked. "Just call me your super hero."

"Only if you get to be Spiderman," I teased.

He looked down at his hands, frowning. "I have no web powers, though."

I giggled, taking his hands in my own. "I guess you can be Superman then."

He smiled. "As long as I'm your Superman."

_Awww._

I laughed again and he smirked. I bit my lip and asked, "Are you okay? After everything that happened?"

He sighed. "I will be. Slowly, but surely."

I half smiled again. "Good."

He quickly glanced behind him. "Okay, so I'm just gonna be blunt. They told me to come over here and kiss you, but I'm not that smooth, let's be honest, so I'm just not going to-" I cut him off by putting my hand on his nape and kissing him. It didn't take long for him to kiss me back, his hands resting on my hips, and I heard the guys shout and yell over it. I was stupid for thinking I loved Jack more because it's pretty clear that I don't. When we parted he smiled at me. "That was a very polite way of telling me to shut up."

"I thought so." I kissed him again.

"Get some, Alex!" Jack yelled. Alex moved a hand from my hip and I was pretty sure he was flipping them off.

_**Late That Night**_

"You know we're never letting you out of our sight again, right?"

I looked at Zack, who was sitting next to me on the couch. "I figured," I replied, smiling at him and pulling the blanket that was covering me up and over my arms.

"And you're coming on tour with us again. And you're not going home halfway through it," Rian added from the other side of me.

"That's fine with me," I laughed.

"And you," Zack looked over at Alex, who was in the kitchen with Jack, "will not hurt Spencer again."

"No worries." Alex held his hands up in surrender.

"You know we want to kill Drew for touching you like that, right?" Rian asked me. I had told them what had happened when I left their house.

"I wanna kill him, too," I said then shook my head as I shivered. "That was a horribly uncomfortable feeling."

"Okay, okay," Alex started, handing me a glass of water over the back of the couch, "don't talk about that, mainly because I don't want to hear it. But also because, as Rian said back in January, it's against the rules."

We all laughed and I agreed. "Okay."

Zack wrapped an arm around my shoulders, almost protectively. "Please stop getting yourself in life threatening situations."

"Seriously," Rian said. "I mean, a car accident that made you forget everything then an abusive boyfriend who followed you here, stalked you, and then tried to rape you. That is plenty of life threatening moments for a life time. And it was all in less than two years."

"That's what I'm sayin'!" Jack exclaimed from the kitchen.

Alex walked around the couch and stood in front me. "In front of all our best friends, I feel like this is the best way to ask you."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Alex..."

"Whoa, whoa," he chuckled. "Let's take this one step at a time, Spencer." I stuck my tongue out at him. "But I was going to ask if you would be my girlfriend...again."

"If you don't say yes, I will not hesitate to smack you," Jack said, still in the kitchen.

I laughed and nodded at Alex. "Yes, Alex. I will." He smiled wide and leaned down to peck my forehead.

"Yay!" Jack said as Rian said, "About time you guys pulled your heads out of your asses."

"HEY!" Alex and I said together.

Zack laughed. "Thank God things are back to normal."

"Oh, and we want you to move back in," Rian said.

"Noooo! She's staying with me!" Jack whined before collapsing next to Rian with a pout.

"Calm down, bro. Now you don't have to worry about her hearing you masturbate."

"Ohh, gross!" I said, shaking my head and squinting my eyes closed. "You guys!"

They all laughed and Alex sat down on the floor in front of me as I opened my eyes. "Sorry, Spence," Rian said.

"It's fine. And, ultimately, isn't it my decision whether I move back in or not?" I looked at Jack.

He shook his head. "I'll kidnap you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Jack-"

"I know." He frowned and we all laughed again. "Hey, can we watch Home Alone?"

Zack, Alex, Rian, and I all answered together with, "NO!"

"Oh, you're cool," Jack said, "answering all at once and other things. Aren't you guys just all that and a bag of chips?"

"No, Jack. You just can't handle that we called you out," Alex said. "So, stick that in your juice box, and suck it!"

"Why did we go back to the '90s?" I asked.

"Hey, the '90s were a great time," Rian defended.

"That's not what I said. Don't put words in my mouth, Dawson." I crossed my arms.

Alex poked my knee. "I can put something else in your mouth." He wiggled an eyebrow at me.

"Ew," Rian and Zack said together. Jack just scoffed and shook his head.

"That's what Jack is for, Alexander."

"Too far, Spencer!" Jack said. I ignored him while Rian and Zack chuckled.

Alex's jaw dropped in fake shock. "Am I in trouble?"

Pushing the blanket off of me, I stood up and walked into the kitchen. "You're not getting it in, Alex."

"Haha," Jack said.

"Sexual innuendos later, please," Rian said.

I saw Zack shrug. "It's kinda funny, Rian. Don't be such a downer!" They started an argument and I just shook my head, chuckling to myself.


End file.
